Well, so much for that...

Ok, it's over, call off the push for marriage equality, George GOP Chairwoman Sue Everhart has discovered a fatal flaw: straight people might marry someone of the same sex in order to reap the special benefits that only gay marriage provides.

Before we passed the 19th Amendment, anti-suffragists warned us that men might start
dressing up as women in order to vote. And now Drag Queens roam freely, sassing us all.
No tea, no shade indeed! Thanks women, thanks a lot.

Sometimes I think people are just
getting married so I'll buy them
 something from Pottery Barn.

Special benefits like, uh...I don't know, the condemnation of the religious right and being the focus of Chic-fil-A-based protests? Yeah, I don't know what the fuck she's talking about either, but if I'm not mistaken, straight people have been getting sham-married for all kinds of reasons. Tax breaks, citizenship, fooling someone into believing they've never been to Mars. I suppose this only opens the door for people who want to scam the IRS or the INS or something and don't have any opposite-sex friends willing to go in on it. Exactly how many more sham-marriages can that possibly result in?

Look, I know they're out of arguments here, but is saving us from ones of cases of green card fraud a year really worth relegating an entire group of people to second-class status?

"In a way, I'm defending gay marriage by refusing to support it."

-Sue Everhart dropping some logic

Nicole gets her own 'special' pizza
just because regular pizza could
 kill here. Pfft...thinks she's so great...

Hey, remember the time Michelle Bachmann said that gay people already have the right to get married as long as they marry someone of the opposite sex? Yeah, Bachmann was being a dick there, but I'm wondering if that isn't where Everhart is coming from as well: like maybe she's suggesting that the right to marry someone of the same sex is in itself a special privilege. You know, sort of like how people with celiac disease are privileged to eat something gluten-free. But that's just a guess.

Old people: They literally
cannot stop being racist.

I've got to think that Everhart and people who share her opinions on this are just looking for something, anything that will justify their reservations, no matter how cockamamie. If that means earning the ridicule and frustrated eye rolls we normally reserve for old people who still use terms like oriental and colored fella, than so be it. It doesn't have to make sense, it just has to last her until she's either voted out or comes to her senses. Check out this fancy little bit of reasoning and then tell me she's not grasping at straws:

"Lord, I'm going to get into trouble over this, but it is not natural for two women or two men to be married. If it was natural, they would have the equipment to have a sexual relationship."

-Sue Everhart, apparently unaware that gay couples have been 

managing just fine with the equipment available.

"Hmmm...no vagina. Gee, I guess we'll just have to muddle through somehow..."

-Gay dudes