Say, did you know that there's a president of American Values? Ok, so actually it's not the abstract concept of American values, but rather a conservative Christian political group called American Values. But anyway, here's President Gary Bauer and a thing he said:
|Above: American values.|
-Gary Bauer, President of American Values
and High Commissioner of Apple Pie
|"Yeah! Suck on it values voters!"|
-The Liberal Elite
Speaking of which, if you're simply too gay to know what the hell a 'full-court blitz' is, don't worry, I looked it up. Apparently it isn't really a thing, but a full court press is an aggressive strategy in the sport known as basketball 'in which one or two players harass the ball handler in the backcourt while the rest of the team maintains a close man-to-man or zone defense.'
|...and here's a metaphor for what|
Gary Bauer does to sports references.
|I mean the Bible's not too |
keen on shellfish either. Go after
Long John Silver's for a while.
According to Bauer, if polls show that America has gotten over its anti-gay hysteria, put on its big-nation pants and is finally ready for double groom and double bride cake toppers, then the polls must be skewed (again, probably by the ball handlers and their man-to-man zone defense).
|"Look, either the numbers are wrong or I am. Who are you going to trust?|
Hard, demographic data collected by professional polling organizations
or me: a guy who thinks this comb over is fooling anyone?"
-Gary Bauer, making my point
|And that's only because they don't respond|
well to double punching and dropkicks.