Sunday, March 3, 2013


Damn you Comedy Computer®!
Have you no scruples?
You know when an apology is not an apology? When you blame your computer for the deeply offensive slogans you put on t-shirts and then sold on Amazon. That's what Solid Gold Bomb founder Michael Fowler did. Check out some of the phrases Solid Gold Bomb's creative depart-uh, their computer, thought would be great on a t-shirt: Keep Calm and Rape A Lot, Keep Calm and Hit Her, Keep Calm and Knife Her. According to Fowler, Solid Gold Bomb's parade of rage-vomit inducing t-shirts are the result of a crazy combination of computer algorithms, trademark laws and some sort of evil pixie.

"Today obscure t-shirt manufactures,
tomorrow, the defense network!"

None of these factors of course are Michael's fault, but like a Roman general falling on his sword after a crushing but valiant defeat, Fowler takes full (but not legally binding) responsibility. Like for real, read his passive voice-laden apology. Fully half of it is devoted to explaining (in technobabble that would make a Star Trek writer blush) how a program he developed to write hilarious t-shirt slogans (I wish I was kidding) came up with all the rape-jokes and then sold them on Amazon, all without anyone at Solid Gold Bomb noticing.

Pictured: Michael Fowler. Ok, not the 
Michael Fowler, but it's a Michael Fowler.
I blame Google Image Search.
"No words can express how I feel about what has occurred and in no way do I condone or promote this serious issue. I will offer a more in depth explanation of cause to explain what and how this occurred. Both myself and our company and it's associated Solid Gold Bomb brand have never had any intention of the spread of violent slogans or even poor taste humor t-shirts. This was a computer error of my creation and I accept my responsibility in the matter."

-Michael Fowler, Founder, Solid Gold Bomb

Wow. He's clearly so traumatized by all that's happened to him, he's even unwilling to trust his own grammar check. You can't help but feel for the guy...disgust that is. You can't help but feel utter disgust for the guy.

Oh, and on a side note what the hell is the 'Keep Calm' thing all about anyway? Well, Keep Calm and Carry On was a British WWII slogan invented to boost morale while London was being leveled by German bombs. Recently it's been picked up and parodied on things like mugs, posters and obviously t-shirts in an effort to see how quickly a phrase can be run into the ground. I'd say mission: accomplished, wouldn't you?
British stiff-upperlippedness, tea and a little Xanax will get you through any crisis.

1 comment:

  1. if the offensive slogans were randomly produced, why weren't there any slogans saying 'rape Him' grope HIM'? all directed at 'HER'.... yes very random. Michael Fowler is just one of these evil people we should all avoid.