|"Finally, a 24 hour News Network that isn't afraid to tell it like it is: That global |
warming is bullshit and that the President is really a gay Muslim from Kenya..."
-Some Old Guy
|"Fox News: if you're not watching,|
you're probably a queer."
|Ok kids, pick up those brightly-colored|
fertility symbols laid by a giant bunny
...wait, what's this about again?
|"Hey Tucker, fuck you."|
"The bad side of Wiccanism is that it's, obviously a form of witchcraft, the upside is that you get a ton of holidays..."
-Tucker Carlson, dismissing the
beliefs of a million Americans
Did you catch his funny, funny joke? He's saying that practitioners of Wiccanism (which I don't think is the right word, but whatever) are only doing the whole Pagan thing because they want extra days off from work. It's sort of like suggesting that Christians are only into their faith for the Christmas presents.
|"So who is this Jesus anyway, and if it's his birthday |
how come we get prese-holy shit! Xbox 360! Thanks Santa!"
|74% of Fox News hosts hire prostitutes.|
It's ok, I'm rounding up.
Then he says this:
"Any religion whose most sacred day is Halloween, I just can't take seriously. I mean, call me a bigot...How many Wiccans can name every Wiccan Holiday, or even 50% of them?"
-Tucker Carlson, expert on Wiccan statistics
|"Happy Halloween! Oh, and be sure to remember how good this |
Fun-Size Snickers tasted while you're burning in hell for all eternity!"
|*Although Econ 301 makes |
it a lab requirement.
The upshot: Tucker Carlson has never met a Pagan, and there aren't that many anyway (ok, yes there are, but Fox is not so much with the research) so it's open season on witches. Um, hasn't this attitude been the cause of shit like anti-Semitism, McCarthyism, literal witch hunts and the persecution of minority groups since the dawn of time? Didn't he have to read The Crucible in school?
|"Prudence Goodwyfe, you stand accused of listening to NPR, shopping |
at Whole Foods and voting for the Green Party. How do you plea?"
|"I love you. However, I hate you."|
-The words of Spock
Season 2, episode 12
P.S. As the founder and, to date, the only member of the Church of Vulcantology, I too may one day find myself the target of Fox's scorn for my beliefs. We (I mean, I) are a peaceful people who believe in the example laid down by Mr. Spock from Star Trek. If you're interested in welcoming Spock into your life, please enjoy this comic about the death and resurrection of our most venerated Vulcan. This message brought to by the Church of Vulcantology.