Concerned I am now. Disturbing this is...

"Salary matters not, a percentage
of the box-office I demand."

Hey, uh, I love me some Yoda as much as the next guy. I mean, he's tiny, 800 years old, super-wise and voiced by Frank Oz. He's probably one of the best things about Star Wars and he only appears for like ten minutes in Empire and Jedi (prequels? I'm unfamiliar with this term...). That said, no. I mean, no. You actually might not want to click on that, I'll just give you the broad strokes: Yoda: The Movie. Holy shit. Yeah, in addition to proper sequels, Disney plans to release a few stand-alone movies to cash in on-I mean to add to the rich tapestry of the Star Wars universe...

Like what if Beaker just lost it one day
and shanked the Electric Mayhem?

But Yoda? Look, I was going to try and refrain from any further Episode 1-3 bashing, I mean what's done is done. But one of the worst, most childhood smashing things about the prequels is the fact that we saw Yoda kill people. Yeah, I know they were clones and we're not supposed to care, but Yoda's supposed to be all wise and spiritual. Can't he just Vulcan neck pinch them or mind-trick them into falling asleep? I mean he's a goddamn muppet. That's not ok.

Sure, we can't assume anything about a movie that's still little more than a rumor. It's possible they'll handle Yoda properly, but 2 hours of him sitting in the lotus position doling out grammatically backwards wisdom? A million Imperial Credits say they put a lightsaber back in his hands and have him bounce around like a hyperactive gremlin again.

"Wars do not make one great...they make one badass!"

-Jedi Master Yoda

"I wanted to call it Snow White and the
Seven Jews, but you know...lawyers..."

-Walt Disney, actual quote*

Sorry to change my tune like this. Up 'till now I've been all for the decision to sell Star Wars to Disney and their plans to make Episodes 7-9. Awesome right? I mean, why would Disney screw this up? After all, they love money and would like to have more of it. But I guess I'm forgetting that Disney's also got kind of a mean streak. It goes all the way back to founder/preserved head-in-a-jar/secret CEO Walt Disney who, while not exactly a Nazi himself, was at least pals with Nazis, inviting Leni Riefenstahl (Hitler's Ken Burns) to come promote her movie in Hollywood.

I mean this is the same soulless multinational company that has, for decades, enjoyed making children cry by taking their movies out of circulation to increase demand. I guess I should have seen this coming...

"You want to watch The Little Mermaid? Sorry kid, she's in The Vault. Too bad your
parents didn't buy you the Platinum Edition back in '09. See you in seven years!"

-M. Mouse, Head of Marketing 

and Dream Crushineer

*not an actual quote.