Culture Shock

I just read terrible, terrible news. Iain M. Banks is ill and only has months to live. When I started reading his Culture series a few years ago, he immediately became one of my favorite authors ever. If you're a nerd and have never read his stuff, go get Consider Phlebas right goddamn now. Not because Banks is dying but because he's amazing.

And also because sooner or later Michael Bay or someone is going to
come along and make a shitty movie out of it and then you'll have to get the
copy with 'Now a Major Motion Picture!' plastered across the front. 

Yeah, ok, Banks kind of cribbed the
Orbitals from Ringworld, but it's cool,
Larry Niven's kind of a dick.

The titular Culture is this massive, super-advanced interstellar civilization of ga-gillions of human-like aliens who live on starships, space stations and giant rings like the Halo from Halo (which they totally ripped-off from Banks). It's sort of like the Federation on Star Trek but instead of using their amazing starships and technology to not interfere with backwards, pre-warp planets and to teach primitive aliens about this thing we earthmen call love, the Culture is about letting people do, have and be whatever the hell they want at any time. 

"Wait, let me get this straight: your Prime Directive says you can't show us
 how to irrigate our fields, give us antibiotics or help us out in any way but
 you can totally just phaser our god to death because you have
philosophical issues with worshiping a computer? What the hell guys?"

Such a society would also never
consider 'Teen Paranormal Romance'
a legitimate genre. 

While most authors would treat this as a utopia with a secret dark side, Banks is like fuck it: living in the Culture would be awesome. The real rip your heart out part about Banks' illness is the fact that if the Culture were a real place and we all lived there, nobody would die of cancer. Ever. Banks would have been cured by now or had his mind downloaded into a new body or something. Sure, there's probably a downside to living forever in a world where your every want is instantly fulfilled. For instance...uh...well there's...let me get back to you on that.

Oh, and if you really want to sob uncontrollably check out his statement on Orbit's (that's his publisher) website:

"...I've withdrawn from all planned public engagements and I've asked my partner Adele if she will do me the honour of becoming my widow (sorry - but we find ghoulish humor helps)."

-Iain M. Banks, being awesome

Hey science: if you've got a secret cure for cancer, now would be a good time...