Exactly nobody loves a parade...

Ok everybody, get ready to gasp in shock as the President makes an Omega-leval ass out of himself again, just a day after dismissing half the attendees of the State of the Union as traitors. Whadd'd he do now? He's ordered the Pentagon to make preparations for a massive military parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.

I mean why not? It looks so badass when autocratic rogue states do it...

"Oui, France! We're not all just one
dimensional stereotypes you know."

-Claude Jean-Paul D'Surrender

Well, ok, he did this last month and we're only hearing about it now, and if I was to be fair, while it's easy to compare such a thing to North Korea, he got the idea while visiting France last year. He watched that country's Bastille Day celebrations which included a military parade down the Champs Elysees. Which is a thing some countries do, show off their military gear as some kind of display of nationalism, but it's not really us, you know? Russia, China, sure, but not us. It's a little, what's the word? Chest-thumpingly militaristic?

I guess Trump, who we all know is like a 'big military guy,' was inspired by the show in Paris and decided that he wants to do something similar here.

Above: The President's hand being crushed by French
President Emmanuel Macron during his visit to...oh shit, this
whole thing is about who's is bigger, isn't it? What? I meant
whose military budget...why? What did you think I meant?

He may not have served in the military
but his TV show had good ratings,
so like, same, same, right?

Which, whatever. Oh, and I should probably mention that when he refers to himself as a 'big military guy,' he's not referring to actually serving in the military. He did, as was recently and hilariously pointed out by Senator Tammy Duckworth, receive five deferments during the draft, four for being in college and one for bonespurs. He just thinks the military is neat. You know, as long as he himself isn't in any physical danger. But since Trump is also a big money guy, a reasonable question might be how much is this going to cost us? My admittedly uneducated guess is a shit-ton.

Well, the Pentagon is still working on it, but since we don't keep all our impressive military equipment in a storage unit in Georgetown or something, we can safely guess it's at least in the millions of dollars to move vehicles and personnel to D.C. At least.

Plus you have to add in the cost of rose petals, vestal virgins
and elephants not to mention hiring a eunech to whisper 'remember thou
art mortal' into the President's ear as while the crowds cheer him on.

So other than satisfying the childish demands of someone who's watched Patton one to many times, what's like, in it for us? As Americans I mean? According to White House damage control shill Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

"Don't you want to thank the troops?
Do you hate America that much?"

"President Trump is incredibly supportive of America's great service members who risk their lives every day to keep our country safe. He has asked the Department of Defense to explore a celebration at which all Americans can show their appreciation." 

-Huckabee-Sanders on why we should

all feel pretty shitty about
having a problem with this

Oh...so this isn't about giving an insecure gameshow host with a Napoleon complex a big parade so he can feel just as cool as Emmanuel Macron, it's about the troops. That's cool. Hey, you know what else France has that's pretty cool? Universal healthcare. Anyway, I'm sure America's active service people and vets are super-thrilled about Trump's plans to thank them by throwing himself a parade that goes right by his house.

"A parade? Sure, sounds great. Way better than housing
and services for America's many, many homeless veterans..."

-Some guy