So we should arm golfers?

So the President, thrilled I suppose to find someone in America more hated than himself, announced that unlike armed deputy Scot Peterson, he would have charged into Stoneman Douglas during the shooting earlier this month and personally wrestled the gunman to the ground and saved the day. Because he's a goddamn hero.

Pictured: A septuagenarian with no crisis training whatsoever, bloviating

about how awesome he'd be in a situation he will never have to face.

He also really believes he won the popular
vote, but that illegal immigrants secretly
snuck in and voted for Clinton so here we are.

Ok, I made some of that up, but here's what he said:

"I really believe I'd run in there, even if I didn't have a weapon..."

-The President, on how

he's basically Batman

Well, technically he just said he believes he would have gone in...but he believes a lot of things that are bullshit.

The only hero I see here is a leather belt.

But for real, no he wouldn't. No he wouldn't have. Like bullshit. I'm not saying I blame anyone for doing whatever they could to get out of going to Vietnam, but he got five deferments. Five. Anyway, he went on to compare the terrifying prospect of entering the scene of an active shooter in a school to golf. Fucking golf, which he claims requires both a similar skill set, and a comparable level of training and resolve. Yup, driving from hole to hole while someone else carries his bag made Donald Trump the American hero he is today.

Look, I'm not sticking up for Deputy Peterson. It was his job to put himself between the gunman and the kids and for whatever reason he didn't. But whatever, we weren't there, we don't know the situation. What I do know is that it was nothing like goddamn golf, and it's kind of a dick move to boast about how you totally would have done something different when you've got the Secret Service watching your back.

Above: nine or ten highly trained, armed bodyguards
each of whom is sworn to take a bullet for the Presdient,
but won't have to because he's like super brave you guys.