Today in not politicising tragedy:

Well that didn't take long-huh, you know what, that actually did take a week, so I guess I have to give the NRA some credit here. Wayne LaPierre, head of the NRA gave it a full week before opening his big idiot mouth about the Parkland shooting.

Pictured: Wayne LaPierre, sporting his signature haircut: the Adolf.

Solutions like more fucking guns?

Here's some of what he had to say:

"We at the NRA are Americans who continue to mourn and care and work every day at contributing real solutions to this very real problem. Real, practical action to truly protect our children."

-Wayne LaPierre, speaking
from the void in his chest where
humans traditionally have a heart

Background checks? Pfft...that's a little
excessive, I mean, they don't let just anyone
into a gun show, you have to buy a ticket...

Strangely he went on from there to explain that jewellery stores and NBA games feature armed security but not America's schools. I say strangely because just a moment earlier he said the NRA was all about 'real, practical action to truly protect our children.' I guess he was talking about actions that in no way impinge on anyone's constitutional right to buy assault rifles anonymously, and without any training whatsoever, as long as it's off a folding table at a gun show. You know, like the founding fathers intended. 

"So fucking awesome! Wooo! Guns!"

-Ted Nugent, summing it up

Anyway, he continued talking, calling out the un-American monsters who are cynically exploiting last week's school shooting for political reasons. Those un-American monsters I suppose would be the survivors of that school shooting who've been going in front of the media to ask legislators to maybe do something before more children are murdered, but what they're clearly forgetting is how awesome gun ownership is. Instead all they seem to care about is human life. Like selfish jerks.

"In many ways the real victims here are

gun owners, the NRA and me personally."

-Wayne LaPierre, basically

But that's millennials for you, only care about themselves, right Wayne?

"Opportunists wasted not one second to exploit tragedy for political gain."

-Wayne LaPierre, speaking,
without a hint of irony or shame, from the
Conservative Political Action Conference

Yes. To be clear, the head of the NRA, America's favorite gun lobby whose entire purpose at this point is to fund candidates who will support relaxing restrictions on their favorite military grade hobby, is accusing the left of exploiting tragedy.

He went on: "They hate the NRA, they hate the second amendment, they hate individual freedom." Guess he's got us there. We really do hate freedom.

Democrats cackling manically. As is their want.

The important thing is that he isn't

exploiting fear for political purposes.

He then spooled off into a paranoid rant about socialism: "If these so-called European socialists take over the House and the Senate and God forbid the White House again, our American freedoms will be lost forever, and the first to go will be the Second Amendment to the US Constitution." Which, holy shit right? Socialism? Freedoms? Goddamn dude. You know, he kind of sounds like the kind of raving lunatic who shouldn't be allowed to have a gun.

Evidently not...

Look, not to be reductive here, but obviously Wayne LaPierre is a two-dimensional villain so blinded by his love of assault rifles that he can't see the harm his lobbying is causing. But that doesn't mean everyone in the NRA is. I mean, there has to be a compromise somewhere between no guns for everybody and limitless military hardware for all, no questions asked right?

In Rubio's defense, the NRA

does give him like, a ton of money.

I guess what I'm asking is could people like LaPierre please shut up and let the grownups talk about this? Grownups like Cameron Kasky, a student who survived last week's shooting, and at at last night's town hall meeting made a polite and not at all unreasonable request that Senator Rubio stop taking money from the NRA. It was great. This kid is a national hero. Sure, Rubio has no intention of turning down hundreds of thousands of dollars from LaPierre's totally not political political group.

But at least he had to look this kid in the eye in front of millions of people including other victims and their families and explain that he still plans on taking money from the lobbying group that stands between us and an effective assault rifle ban. It's not the same thing as action, but it's a start I suppose.

"Obviously I...uh...mumble, mumble cough, hey, look over there!"

-Senator Rubio, tap dancing