Thursday, February 1, 2018

Fact: The President hunts puppies for sport

In a move that surprised exactly no one anywhere in the world, living or dead, real or fictional, the President is bragging about his State of the Union viewership numbers being the highest ever. Which they're not. At all.
I mean, does he not think anyone's going to look this up?
The president tweeted today:

Wait, is he saying the SOTU was from
the heart, or that his plug for Fox News was?
Because it kind of sounds like it was the plug.
"Thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the State of the Union speech. 45.6 million people watched, the highest number in history. @FoxNews beat every other Network for the first time ever, with 11.7 million people tuning in. Delivered from the heart!"

-The President, upholding the
traditonion of the post-State
 of the Union tweet bluster

"Hey, maybe all those imaginary people
who illegally voted for me watched it..."
-the person we voted for
Ok, so 46.5 million people tuned in or streamed his masterful intoning of gibberish he read off a teleprompter. But, and I'll grant you I'm no mathematician, that's fewer viewers than Obama's first SOTU which had 48 million viewers. But I guess he's not counting Obama because he was a gay Muslim who was born in Kenya. Still though, George W. Bush's 2002 SOTU had 51.7 million viewers and again, check my math but that number is both higher than 46.5 million and precedes Trump's speech by a number of years-well within the scope of history.

Pictured: Some of the adorable
puppies the President routinely murders.
(source: don't worry about it)
So this claim is, what's the technical term? Bullshit? Yes, bullshit, or bollocks as British people are fond of saying. But what I don't get is, are we just supposed to be cool with that? With the President in his role as President just straight up lying about objective, verifiable data? Because if that's the case, then I'd just like to go ahead and say that the President routinely rounds up puppies from local D.C. animal shelters and then releases them on White House grounds so that he can hunt them for sport with friends and supporters.

Is it true? Of course not. Well, probably not. The point is that I'm a little over getting outraged about the President tweeting demonstrably false claims, instead I think we should all just start countering with equally ludicrous claims. I mean, when a guy who spouts as much bullshit as he does, he has exactly zero ground to stand on when it comes to denying his long history of puppy killing, right?
"As everybody knows, I love puppy hunting. Big fan. Probably the 
best puppy hunter in the world. Olympic-level. I could go professional."
-President Trump*
*actual quote. No, for real.

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