Sunday, May 28, 2017

Today in brûlers épiques...

Hey, you don't suppose that the current President's rough handshakes, foreign leader shoving and frequent adjustment yanks to his jacket like some goon in a mob movie, is all out of insecurity, do you? Like it's just a lot of transparent posturing on the part of a small, in-over-his-head man who knows that on some level, he doesn't belong in this job.
"Hey! Fuggetaboutit, world leader comin' through here..."
-A small man, trying to feel big
It's ok buddy, you can't win'em all...
I ask because this is just about the best thing I've heard all week. Remember on Thursday when Trump shook hands with Emmanuel Macron in Brussels? Who? Oh, he's the new French President who, despite the same kind of Russian election interference that handed us our current predicament, managed to overcome his country's ignorant racist demographic and win the election. Anyway, there was a handshake and the internet was delighted by Macron's firm grip and the way he stared down the guy who got Hillary Clinton's job. It was great and, it turns out, no accident.

Pictured: Macron, crushing the shit
out of President Trump's Tweeters.
Yup, the freshly elected French President was deliberately showing Trump who the alpha chien is and it was glorious. According told French newspaper Le Journal du Dimanche:

"My handshake with him, it wasn't innocent...One must show that you won't make small concessions, even symbolic ones..."

-President Macron, 
winning, just winning

Earlier in the day, Macron dodged Trump's greeting outside the NATO meeting, veering instead towards Angela Merkel and other leaders. When Trump finally caught up with him, Macron reportedly restrained The Donald's right arm to avoid a handshake having been warned out his awkward need to turn everything into a weird power game.
Above: what the French would call 'une brûler épique.'
(source: a fairly poor grasp of french)
"Per'aps it ess, ow you say,
zee Schadenfreude?"
Like, I don't know the nuances of French government, so I have no opinion of Macron from a political standpoint, but he is quickly becoming one of my favorite world leaders thanks to his firm policy against taking any of Trump's petty bullshit. Speaking of petty bullshit, is it totally petty of me to enjoy the fact that Macron was resorting to subtle social intimidation with our President? Maybe? Probably? Whichever it is, I'm not sure I feel the least bit bad about it. Everything about this man's presidency has been based on pettiness, juvenile aggression and straight up rudeness. I mean, did you see the thing about the President of Luxembourg's husband?

Destiny is the third from the left, wearing
a blue tie and not being Melania Trump.
Lookit this. Apparently the White House posted the group picture of the NATO leaders' spouses, including Gauthier Destenay, husband of Prime Minister Xavier Bettel, and the only same-sex spouse at the damn thing. The photo's caption however left Destenay's name off, and mentioned Melania Trump twice. They later fixed it without so much as an 'our bad.' Honest mistake or deliberate snub? I don't know, but have they given us any reason to think it wasn't another dick move in a long line of dick moves?

Everything, I mean everything Donald Trump has done and said since electoral college winning the election has been...you know, gross and bully-ish. And it's not just him, the GOP in general have been getting away with bloody murder (figuratively...so far) lately and comeuppance have been in short supply. Remember that asshole who body slammed a reporter and went on to win Montana's congressional seat instead of you know, going to jail for assault? Because I really want to know why he's not in jail. For assault.
"In my defense, my constituency is a bunch of stupid
hicks and this sort of thing appeals to them."

-Assault suspect Greg Pianoforte, 
gaining 5 more approval points
"Please, take the photos quickly. He has
surprisingly sweaty palms and I think
the spray tan is rubbing off on me."

-President Macron
Anyway, yeah, maybe it's petty of me to enjoy the French President making our President look like a schmuck, but goddamn it is satisfying. Almost as satisfying as this comparison Macron made in his statement to the French press:

"Donald Trump, the Turkish president or the Russian president see things in terms of power relationships, which doesn't bother me. I don't believe in diplomacy through public criticism but in my bilateral dialogues I don't let anything pass. That is how you get respect."

-President Macron, regarding
his tough anti-goon stance

Yup, that's Emmanuel Macron publicly criticizing Donald Trump by lumping him in with Recep Erdogan and Vladimir Putin while at the same time decrying public criticism. Hypocritical? Maybe. But I don't care because I also think he's calling out Trump for his use of social media as a way to talk shit about people who disagree with him. Which is like everyone at this point. My chapeau is off to you, Monsieur President.
"Pfft, shows what he knows, it you don't trash your political enemies
on Twitter, how are they supposed to know what losers they are?"

-The guy with the job once held by
the author of the Gettysburg Address.

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