Wait, we've had way bigger witch hunts...

Seriously? The greatest witch hunt in U.S. history? That's what Donald Trump is calling the entirely reasonable questions about and investigation into that suspicious-at-best, straight-up stolen at worst election that put him, the least qualified reality TV show host imaginable, into the most powerful office in the world. The most recent-huh? Which reality TV show host would be more qualified? Take your pick.

 

But do you really even have to ask?

That is both a hackneyed and insensitive
joke, and I should be ashamed of myself.

So obviously I have some problems with this most recent of petulant statements-wait, did I say statement? I meant tweet, because of course he tweeted his displeasure, first referring vaguely to 'illegal acts that took place in the Clinton campaign and the Obama administration' before comparing his plight to that of witches. Now I don't think he means this literally because while he is many things, I don't think anyone is accusing Trump of being an actual witch. For one thing, witches are usually depicted as green where as orange is the traditional color of candy factory workers.

But in the figurative sense, that's still a pretty dramatic charge. I mean, the most famous witch hunt in U.S. history would be that time Senator Joseph McCarthy exploited America's irrational fear of communism and gay people to attack his political opponents. He was, to use the parlance of the day, a real shit bird.

"As a matter of fact, no, I have no decency. In many ways, I'm ahead of my time."

-Noted shit bird Senator Joseph McCarthy

Pictured: The President. 
Again, figuratively.

Trump on the other hand is not the victim of an unfounded fear. There's an understanding among the intelligence community and the public that Russia interfered with the 2016 election and since Trump won that election (you know, technically), it's not a long walk to the suspicion that he was in on it. But that's what it is, a suspicion. And one that really needs to be looked into. To put this in witch terms, it's like Hillary Clinton is missing, there's a frog sitting on a pile of pantsuit and Trump is standing over her, broom in hand, cackling in a tall, pointy black hat.

So like, what are we supposed to think? The point is we don't know if Trump had anything to do with the Russian interference, that's why there's a special prosecutor. And look, I don't want to tell him how to run his ludicrous farce of a Presidency, but for real, if he wants anyone to take seriously his protests of innocence, maybe he should lay off Twitter?

"No one's ever had it worse than me. This is
worse than what they did to Jesus. UNFAIR!"

-The President, not helping his case.