From Russia, With Irrational Hatred

Twenty three years after being single-handedly defeated by Ronald Reagan's confidence-inspiring coiffure, the Russians are back for more. This time it's not the space race, or nuclear weapons or beating the acting ability out of Sylvester Stallone, no, now they're trying to out-crazy us in the field of right-wing homophobic bullshit.

Psscht...good luck, Russia.

That's the gays for you, always
wanting you to get enough
vitamin D and calcium.

How's that? Check this out. Yeah, that's right, Russian homophobes are afraid that milk is going to turn their kids gay. What the what now? Yeah, you see the city of St. Petersburg passed a law back in March which bans anything that can be seen as promoting homosexuality and pedophilia to minors. So in addition to conflating homosexuality with pedophilia, the law is designed to persecute people for talking about, reading about or even thinking about the fact that there are gay people in the world. Holy shit Russia.

Bzzzzt! You are now gay.

Anyway, the makers of Vesyloy Milk are in trouble with the People's Council (an anti-gay watchdog group with absolutely nothing else going on in their lives) for violating the anti-gay law by placing a rainbow on their milk cartons. Rainbows as I'm sure you're aware are the trademarked property of the global gay agenda, who use satellite-mounted prisms to bombard the earth's surface with multi-colored rays known to spread gayness and devil worship among the children (Source: science).

Now, before you start pointing and laughing at those backwards borscht-eating, Sputnik lovers, keep in mind that we have our own Republican party who tried to (and kind of did) pass a law that would ban acknowledging the existence of gay people in schools until the eighth grade. That was right here, in America. Well, sort of...Tennessee.

"You're all going to hell."

-The official Republican Party 

stance on gay people. Enjoy.