Reading Tea Leaves with Glenn Beck

"Wah-wah."

-Trombone

Hey remember the Pennsylvania voter ID law Republicans in that state came up with to combat all the cases of voter fraud that happen every never? You know, the totally not shady move the GOP timed just right so as to maximize the number of likely Democratic voters who would be turned away at the polls? Judge Robert Simpson has ruled that the 5 weeks between now and election day is just not enough time for the state to get its act together in issuing new ID's to the thousands of people the GOP was trying to inconvenience out of voting.

Yup. Sorry Republicans, looks like you'll have to win your races by appealing to the voters. You know, the voters you just tried to purge from the rolls.

Vote Republican: The party that wanted to make you wait in line at the DMV.

No, I still haven't gotten over
Rutherford B. Hayes. Stop asking.

This, coupled with weak polls and investigations over voter registration fraud possibly (definitely, I mean come on) committed by Strategic Alliance Consulting on behalf of the GOP, paint a grim picture for Republican chances in November. Sure, it's not like loosing an election has ever kept a Republican from being President before, but still, I'm feeling an odd sensation people on the left are unused to...I think it's called...optimism? Oh well, I'm sure it will pass.

Above: Glenn Beck's sad face.

But don't worry true believers, Glenn Beck has a theory which surprisingly enough doesn't involve blaming something on Mexicans. He thinks that God himself is keeping Mitt Romney's poll numbers down so that when he wins we'll all know it's a miracle.

"I am to the point to where (sic) where A: I think um, God is trying to make this so clear to us that if it happens, it's His finger, because, boy, nothing looks good."

Tampering with polling data
is one of God's superpowers

While I think we can all agree that Mitt Romney winning the election would definitely be like God giving us His finger, I'm a little confused about Glenn Beck's theology. God, the omniscient, flat-tax-loving entity who created the universe 6000 years ago can only communicate with his followers by fudging Gallop polls to make Mitt Romney look like a Rocky-esque come-from-behind victory? What ever happened to the burning bush? Or better yet, how 'bout a Twitter account?

Ironically, had Pennsylvania's voter ID law been upheld, Jesus Christ himself
wouldn't be able to obtain valid identification in time for the election.