No really, what's up with these guys?

Just a warning, I'm about to rag on Republicans for a minute here, so if you stumbled upon this accidentally while looking for a blog about yachts or where the next tea bagger rally is, you might want to bail out now. I promise, tomorrow's post will be about hover cars or robots or something. Just to show there're no hard feelings, here's a picture of Ronald Reagan:

Stern yet grandfatherly countenance, hair confidently lacquered, flags waving in the breeze,
if this isn't giving you a raging-Boener, you're probably a socialist.

Romney Ryan 2012:
"Or else..."

Anyway, Republicans. Look, I don't really think that they're all bad people, but as a group they seem to pull some outrageous shit and then shrug as if to say 'What? What's wrong with that?' Take this for example:

"I hope you make it very clear to your employees what you believe is in the best interest of your enterprise and therefore their job and their future in the upcoming elections..."

-Mitt Romney, totally not telling business owners

to threaten their workers into voting for him

"Vote Romney, or I shall steeng your family."

-Nasonex Bee

Now, in his defense he did quickly follow up with a comment about how he hopes business owners will tell their employees simply to vote. regardless of whether or not it's for him or President Obama, but to also keep in mind that Obama totally hates business and success and probably America. Anyway, it's one of several recent examples of business owners telling employees that if Obama is reelected their jobs will be in danger. Now, you might be asking yourself What the hell? and Is that even legal?

Sorry kid, the Republicans lost the
California 38th. You're on your own.

Well apparently it is. Because companies are people and money is speech. And why not? Since when do companies have anything other than our best interests in mind? But does the fact that telling your employees who to vote for isn't technically illegal mean it's in any way ok? I suppose there isn't anything legally wrong with telling your children that you'll disown them if the Democrats keep the Senate but that doesn't mean you're not a horrible person for making the threat in the first place.

How come whenever there's an issue the Republicans immediately jump to which ever side is the evil-est and then pretend it's some kind of moral choice. Reproductive rights, same-sex marriage and now threatening voters with their jobs. For a party that's all about freedom and self-determination it seems kind of weird that they'd be cool with telling people what to do with their reproductive systems, marriages and votes.

It's as though they lack a left trigger option.
(If you get that, you're a nerd. Congratulations.)

On the other hand, the GOP now has
Lindsay Lohan on their side and
she's never made a bad move...

So what gives? Is there something I'm missing? Do you get a free car if you register Republican? There are four Supreme Court Justices rapidly approaching the mandatory retirement age of dead. That means that whoever wins in November will likely get a chance to shape the court for the next 40 years. While we're probably all going to be millionaires one day and will need a Republican President to keep the mooching 47% off our fortunes, for now I'm going to stick with voting for people who aren't actively working to curtail civil rights. Is that crazy?

Anyway, I'm done. I'll get off the soapbox now. Just so as I don't go out on a sour note here, here's a picture of a magic unicorn fighting a dragon I found on the internet. Man, there is nothing you can't find on the internet.

God damn, that's awesome.