Monday, February 20, 2017

Move over John Adams...

Today was President's Day, the day upon which we Americans celebrate the achievements of our Presidents with deep discounts on major appliances. Well, discounts and disagreement.
"Take 35% off all Kenmore appliances because Taft!"
More like 'Virginia is for losers...'
What? I'm kidding. It's lovely State.
Really. But still, we you know, won.
Since America is confusing and rife with divisiveness, we can't even all agree on why we're getting a deal on a new electric range. It turns out President's Day isn't President's Day everywhere. Some states call it President's Day while other's call it Washington's Birthday. Still others call it Washington's and Lincoln's Birthday thus screwing us out of a holiday which is also confusing because Lincoln was born on the 12th. Oh, and in Virginia it's just called George Washington Day, probably because they like to gloss over our 16th President who kicked their slave-holding asses in the war.

Caesar was good at a lot of things.
Calendars and not getting murdered
however were not among them.
Anyway, as a Federal Holiday it's technically called Washington's Birthday even though it celebrates all the Presidents. And even weirder is the fact that it's observed on the third Monday in February despite the fact that Washington was born on February 22nd. Except that he wasn't. When Washington was born in 1732, the British Empire which still owned us at the time, was still using the Julian calendar. Because Julius Caesar wasn't great at math, it was off by like 11 days and while most European countries had moved on to the Gregorian calendar, the British were still clinging to the old one the way your mom refuses to upgrade to the new IOS because they keep changing the buttons.

When the Empire finally got with the program in 1752, Washington went from being an Aquarius to a Pisces overnight and now the 3rd Monday in February means your bank is probably closed so um, thanks Washington.
"Today is a good day to embark on new projects. Maybe there's a chore
you've been putting off, or a king you'd like to overthrow."
-Space Fish
He is however this guy's President.
Of course it's not just Federal observances that divide us as a people, there's also, you know, all that other stuff. Right now is a particularly angry time to be an American and possibly our biggest point of contention is the gameshow host who is technically the President. It's not surprising then that today saw 'Not My President's Day' demonstrations and protests across the country in opposition to the current occupant of the White House. Wow, that's weird right? The fact that we now have to include Donald Freaking Trump on the list of Presidents?

Whatever we think of him and the election, he's going to be on that list forever. Yeah, technically Donald Trump now has one 45th of the Holiday set aside for our country leaders, so um, Happy President's Day...
If it's any consolation, John Adams is no longer
the U.S. President with the most ridiculous hair.

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