Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Let's hear it for dystopian idleness!

In great news for people who can't even be bothered to slip on a pair of pajama bottoms and leave the house in order to attend to the basic tasks common to adulthood, there will soon be robots to bring you things. A company called Starship Technologies (which, disappointingly doesn't build starships) is testing a new robot here in the States that may finally defeat the foe that has plagued us since the dawn of time.
What? No, not bears.
Above: Secretary of State and reckless
firearms enthusiast Sir Ted Nugent.
(photo credit: someone ducking)
I'm referring of course to having to get up and do stuff. The new robot is a type of (mostly) autonomous courier that can zip around on sidewalks and run errands for you. Well, errands that involve carrying about three shopping bags-worth of stuff that someone on the other end loads into the thing's camping cooler sized cargo space. It can deliver packages and maybe pick-up take-out. It can't like, take the kids to school or spend time with grandma. Really it's more like Amazon's delivery drone, but with without the risk of being shot out of the sky by Ted Nugent.

"You don't know the things I've seen..."
-The human operator who helped
bring you your GrubHub order
Although I guess some asshole could still kick it over, or crowbar it open and steal your PF Chang's or whatever. And it's not totally able to deal with unexpected obstacles. It if runs into a detour or one of the near-daily protest marches that's not in its GPS, it'll have to call a human operator for help. On the upside, these robots will create new opportunities for people with experience piloting drones for the military. Unless of course putting ex-drone pilots in front of a consoles similar to the ones they used to carry out remote-missile strikes is a terrible idea for some reason.

Which, ok, cool, right? Yes. I'm clearly being a jerk when I suggest that this technology will revolutionize laziness. Sure, there are plenty of people with mobility issues for whom these will be a big help. But still, there are many more people for whom Netflix is more appealing than human interaction.
"Thanks robot, you're a life-saver! I mean, that literally. 
I don't leave my home. Ever. I mean, six seasons of Teen Wolf and
twelve of Supernatural aren't going to watch themselves, am I right?
-Some shut in

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