Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Does he not know he's on camera?

She played Signorina Lola Lasagne
because the writers loved drugs.  
Did you see this thing about the Texas cop pepper spraying passing motorcyclists? No really, and yes, it's as dangerous as it sounds. And I can't even say 'because Texas' and write it off as 'from the people who brought you Rick Perry,' because this is just that far off the map. It's like Batman villain crazy. Not like A-list Rogue's Gallery villains like the Joker or the Penguin but maybe somewhere between the Riddler and whoever Ethel Merman was supposed to be. So like evil, but unfocused, with no particular goals in mind.

It's ok, Texans love living up
to their own stereotypes. 
It started when Fort Worth police officer W. Figueroa pulled over a pickup truck and cited the driver not having a license and for passengers standing in the bed while the vehicle was in motion because, well, because Texas (there it is). The pickup truck was being driven by members of East Texas Heat (again, because Texas), a motorcycle club that was out for a ride on Sunday. When the bikers began to pass, the cop pulled out his mace and went to town spraying them in the face with a debilitating, eye-searing aerosol while they're traveling at speed down a busy highway.

Now if you're thinking to yourself holy shit he could have killed somebody, you're not alone because holy shit, he could have killed somebody.
The cop then started quacking maniacally and threatening to
pluck that meddling caped crusader once and for all.
Granted, the East Texas Heat kind of look
like idiots, but that's no reason to mace them.
But surely officer Figueroa must have had a good reason to endanger both the motorcyclists and everyone else on the road. According to the police department, they'd received several calls about the motorcyclists driving erratically and even stopping traffic with their pickup so the people in the truck could video how cool everyone looks doing sweet motorcycle tricks and wearing matching East Texas Heat t-shirts or whatever. 

Sure, these were just unsubstantiated complaints and East Texas Heat (kind of want to mace them for the name though) weren't actually breaking any laws when Figueroa decided to go all Judge Dredd on them, but had he waited for evidence of wrongdoing, several more motorists could have been allegedly annoyed. 
Um, he knows that Judge Dredd was a meant as a nightmarish criticism of authority
run amok and not like a guide to sound law enforcement practices, right?
Cameras like the ones on the motorcyclist's
helmets, the one on his cruiser's dash and
 the one he was wearing. Because he's a genius.
Officer Figueroa acted in the only way he could: with reckless disregard for safety and the law. In many ways he's a goddamn hero. But in many more ways he broke all kinds of laws and is a danger to the community and that's why he was taken off duty while the police department conducts an investigation into any "potential misconduct"-by which I assume they mean all the blatant misconduct that Figueroa committed while being recorded by several cameras because we live in the future. I know that the department needs to be careful and thorough here, but he's totally guilty.

Look, I get that that motorcyclists are batshit crazy and often weave in-between lanes because traffic laws laws for other, less cool people and that's fine. But I don't care where you are, it's actually not ok to try and murder people on motorcycles. Not even in Texas and especially if you're a cop. 
It is however, open season on segways.
I mean, look at'em. Mace away.

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