Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Today in unsurprising victories...

Remember that scene in the Matrix where
 the machines use us as batteries? That.
Nobody's actually surprised Donald Trump won the GOP caucus in Nevada last night, right? This a state whose entire economy is based on using bright lights and shiny things to lure people into loud, smoke-filled casinos, lowering their defenses with booze and lobster buffets and then tricking them into throwing their money away on games of chance which everyone knows are openly weighted in the house's favor, but play anyway. Nothing about this is ok. Video poker? Lobster in the desert? It's a recipe for sadness and salmonella.

The GOP used to be the party of Lincoln.
Now they have these guys. Enjoy!
Look, I'm not suggesting that any of the other GOP candidates are prizes or anything. They're all of them running on platforms of racism, Islamophobia, misogyny and red state religious pandering. But in many ways Donald Trump is Nevada, which, next to Florida of course, is probably our worst state. He's tacky, sun-baked and like the video poker machines, not really in it to help you out. And we won't be able to say he didn't warn us. Look what he said last night, I mean lookit:

Figuratively. Like, I don't think he wants
to actually eat the poorly educated...
"We won with the Evangelicals, We won with young, we won with old. We won with highly educated, we won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated..."

-Donald Trump 's victory speech in Nevad-
no really, those are words he said with his mouth

You know, I don't think he's saying he loves the poorly educated in a hippy, love everybody sort of way, but more like he loves the poorly educated the way the Walrus in Alice in Wonderland loved the oysters. 

Just so we're clear, it does not.
It might sound harsh and all, but remember a ways back when he suggested he could murder someone and still get elected? He repeated that yesterday and I'm seriously beginning to wonder if he's not asking us if we'd mind if he just stright-up murdered someone:

"Sixty-eight percent would not leave under any circumstance. I think that means murder, I think that means anything, ok?"

So I know this is one primary race for one party in one arid wasteland based on military test ranges and mob-money, but what the fuck if he wins the nomination? Or the election? I know it sounds paranoid, but I saw a trailer last night for a third The Purge movie. Yeah, a third one. Like, who keeps going to these? The point is, I think my lack of faith in the ability of people to make good choices is not entirely unjustified.
Hey, and it's topical!

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