And lo, I beheld the power of cheese...

Without Pat, how would we know God
votes Republican and hates gay people?

I'm not usually one to believe in signs. I mean, yeah traffic signs sure, but not so much the mystical or portentous kind. I'm no theologian, but I always felt that if God or the Gods or the universe or whatever had something to tell me, he/she/they or it would just come out and say it. Besides, isn't there something a little...you know...pretentious, or what's the word? Dickish? About saying that God talks only to you? I think that's what separates the rest of us from Pat Robertson. Well, that and 80 years of cholesterol build-up (don't look at me like that, he's a douche).

I've always assumed that if there is a divine will, it's happy to, for reasons beyond our ken, let us muddle through our lives without clear instructions, sort of like the people who write the Lego manuals.

Wait, what? For real guys? Holy shit... 

This Florida woman sold her Virgin Mary
cheese sandwich for $28,000. Now who's crazy?

That said, I think I have joined the I see Jesus in a piece of toast club. No, I didn't see the face of The Lord in a slice of toasted rye, that would be completely insane. But I did see the State of Maine (and parts of Vermont and New Hampshire) is some cheese. Does that make me crazy? No, really, be honest. Oh, I think I should take a moment and point out that I'm not calling people who see Jesus or the Virgin Mary in their bread products crazy. I mean, we can't prove that the omniscient and omnipotent creator of all that is doesn't choose to communicate through toast.

And hey, if seeing the face of God staring up at you from your breakfast gives you hope then who am I to judge? I'm just saying that for me, as a devout Vulcantologist with little to no belief in the supernatural, seeing messages in my quesadilla is bordering on batty.

Clearly this cheesy chunk of New England is trying to tell me something...but what?

Goddamnit, that's Pennsylvania, isn't it?

Pardon my skepticism, but I've always kind of assumed that whenever the faithful have a vision, or see a sign or whatever, it's because they want to see it. Like, it's just their brain working through whatever it needs to work through and putting it into a context they're comfortable with. A rational explanation doesn't make a religious experience any less valid, it's just a way of explaining it to the rest of us. They're not crazy or stupid for believing (well, some people are), they're just looking at the world differently, and that's cool. Up 'till now, this sort of thing just hasn't really been my bag...but then the cheese happened. Why am I seeing things in cheese?

Is it just some cosmic coincidence that as I broke up the pre-sliced cheddar and dropped the bits into the pan one just happened to resemble the 23rd State to enter the Union? Or is this a message from my subconscious? Or could it be that God is telling you to send me money to start my cheese-ministry? Hmmm, that's probably it, you should send me money...for the ministry. Yes, uh...praise Cheesus!

Message from God, or cheesy Rorschach test?