Resolved: Whereas Stephen Fincher is a jerk;

Church Vs. State: Solved.
Thanks Rep. Stephen Fincher!

Rep. Stephen Fincher, a Republican from Tennessee recently introduced a piece of legislation in the House "Reaffirming the importance of religion in the lives of the United States citizens and the freedom to exercise those beliefs peacefully." That's right everybody, the centuries old conflict between church and state in America has finally been solved and it turns out the answer all along has been 'because Jesus.' Suck on that, atheists, you're in God's country now.

October 9th, by the way, I hope you
sent out your Leif Erickson cards...

I kid, Fincher's bill is actually a non-binding, symbolic resolution with the same force of law as Leif Erickson Day. It's designed to remind everyone that we don't live in the bleak, godless dystopia Fox News made up to scare old people into voting Republican. So what's the point? Why waste everyone's valuable time voting on a resolution that boils down to pointing out that lots of Americans have religious beliefs?

Whereas a second term for
Obama will make Jesus cry;

Well, this may surprise you, but it's possible that Fincher's bill is politically motivated. Here's some of the text of the legislation:

"Whereas the first act of Congress in 1774 was a prayer, and Congress still begins its daily sessions with prayer today;
Whereas every President in United States history has recognized God and religious faith in the public life of the Nation;
Whereas the phrase 'In God We Trust' became the national motto in 1956 and is prominently displayed in both the United States House and Senate chambers;"


My favorite part is where it points out that 'the Bible is the best-selling book of all time.' Like if the next Hunger Games book sells enough copies, we'll have to start building Thunderdomes for kids.

You know, a Thunderdome for kids would cut down on the
amount of iCarly episodes I'd have to endure while babysitting...

All praise the non-specific, all-powerful
entity that may, or may not exist! 

Overall, pretty innocuous, right? Sure, if you believe at all in the separation of church and state, this resolution is a list of things we need to be more careful about, but whatever, people have been shoehorning religion into politics forever, no big deal. Besides, in this context God could be anything: Jesus, Allah, The Force, maybe even a non-literal shorthand for people doing good things for the betterment of all. Maybe we could all just cool our jets and stop being so sensitive right? Nope. Check out this part towards the end:

And by Judeo-Christian they really
just mean Christian, sorry Rabbi...

Resolved, That The House of Representatives--

...recognizes that Judeo-Christian heritage has played a strong role in the development of the United States and in the lives of many of the Nations citizens;

...rejects efforts to remove evidence of Judeo-Christian heritage and references to God from public structures and resources;


Yup. There it is. There's the part that takes this from a general recognition that Americans can find common ground in their freedom to believe or not to believe and makes it another politicized litany of reasons why the United States is actually a Christian theocracy and anyone who doesn't agree should move to Canada. Thanks Representative Stephen Fincher, you're part of the problem.

Common ground? People working together? Pssschtt...sounds pretty gay.