|"The Bible tells us that shutting up will help women solve all kinds of|
problems. Broke a nail? Shut up. Bad hair day? Shut up. The menstruation?
Shut the hell up. You see? It works for everything!"
-Pat Robertson, expert on things
|"Thou shalt kick him to the curb girlfriend."|
|Above: The exact moment when Kristi|
is invited to shut up. Around the :29 mark.
"Well...I think forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things in the whole wide world to do, and especially when it comes to a spouse because that's one of the ultimate betrayals-"
|"You may still smell like that |
whore, but I just can't stay
mad at these cheekbones..."
"-Alright. Here's the secret-this is the secret: Stop talking about the cheating! He cheated on you, alright, he's a man. Well, ok...so what you do is you begin to focus on why you married him in the first place, on what he does good...start focusing on those things and essentially fall in love with him all over again. And I recommend you reach out and touch him-touch his face! Touch his face! ...think about those things and give him honor, instead of trying to worry about it..."
-Words that Pat Robertson actually said.
Out loud. For real.
|"Do you, Steve, promise to love, honor|
and cherish Nicole and also to get a little
biblically sanctioned tang on the side?"
Look, I'm no expert on the Bible so for all I know, Pat's totally an expert on what makes a healthy bronze-age marriage, but how does this guy have a TV show? In the 21st century? And moreover, what's with his female co-hosts? Have they all got Stockholm syndrome or something? Like, what does he do to them?
|Suffice it to say, Mittens will no longer be |
questioning Pat's interpretation of Ephesians.