Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Advantage: Delaware...wait, is that right?

After the ceremony, Allan and Ed are
going on a honeymoon...to Milford...
Well here's a hard pill to swallow. Delaware has legalized same-sex marriage. I can now no longer make fun of them for being the blandest, least interesting state, whose only claim to fame is being the 'The First State' state. And that's only because the other colonies let it ratify the Constitution first. They knew even back then that it would be known for nothing else so they let them have it. It's even on their license plates. God Damnit. Looks like I'll need a new state to rag on...Congratulations Pennsylvania, you're the new Delaware.

Look, I'm thrilled that Delaware has joined 10 other states in recognizing marriage equality. That's awesome. It's just that they have gay marriage and California doesn't. That's not ok.
Delaware's not even America's smallest state,
Rhode Island is. Also, Rhode Island legalized gay marriage
last week sad tromboning Delaware on that one too.
Until last November, San Francisco
was pants-optional. For real.  
How is that even possible? California has medicinal marijuana, leather-fetish festivals, and recognizes Gluten-free as a religious group. I mean, how can Delaware be more progressive than a state where vision coach is a job? Oh, and before you laugh, keep in mind that vision coaches probably make more money than either of us. Well, it turns out that California is not the always the bastion of granola liberal progressiveness we like to think it is. Remember that Prop 8 bullshit?

The thing is, the state is something of a microcosm for the country as a whole, and whereas the U.S. has red states, we have red counties. Check out this handy map:

We call the red counties 'Calitucky.'
Whole Foods can charge $11.50
for organic almond butter, but two
dudes getting married is illegal? 
Those are the Prop 8 results by county. In the blue counties, a majority of voters agreed that gays and lesbians should be treated equally under the law. Voters in the red states mumbled something about the old testament before scuttling back to their bunkers to wait for the Rapture. So thanks to Californians not understanding the value of representative democracy and a healthy dose campaign contributions from the inexplicably still tax-exempt Mormon and Catholic Churches, here we are five years later getting lapped by freaking Delaware.

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