A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Gayness

The Minnesota House of Representatives has passed a marriage equality bill that would make their state the next big thing in gay weddings. The bill still has to pass the Senate, but hey, this is pretty great news, right? No! It's heartbreaking news according to Republican Representative Peggy Scott.

Representative Peggy Scott: Another victim of equality.
Incidentally, what's up with her hair? Did she tell
her stylist what she thinks of gay marriage? Oh, burn!

"Don't worry Peggy, we promise
to come together...for Minnesota."

Enjoy this quote in which Representative Scott reminds us how divisively the bill will divide people...you know, into divisions:

"My heart breaks for Minnesota, dontcha know*...It's a divisive issue that divides our state...It's not what we needed to be doing at this time. We want to come together for Minnesota, we don't want to divide it."

-Rep. Peggy Scott, crying in her cheerios

*I may have added the 'dontcha know'

To be clear here, Peggy's beef is that the marriage equality bill will divide the state and that Minnesotans should instead come together...for uh...un-equality. Wait, huh? While I'm sure that anyone loosing any argument probably wishes that the other side would just stop being so victorious, what exactly does she expect from her opponents here?

"You know what? You're right, my partner and I have discussed it and
we'd like to withdraw the bill and go back to our second class status.
Also, would you help us pray the gay away? We're completely serious.
You've shown us the light, Peggy Scott!"

-Rep. Karen Clark, author of the bill

totally fucking with Peggy 

Above: Minnesotan Julia Burt oppos-
holy shit, what's up with her eyes?

You know it's nice to be able to see both sides of an issue and I'd love to be open minded about this but for real, they've got nothing. Check out Julia 'Crazy Eyes' Burt, (around the 1:10 mark) some random homophobe the local news picked out of the crowd: "I feel sorry for our world, but the world has turned, the world has turned to a place that wants immediate gratification, and it breaks my heart, it breaks my heart for my children and my grandchildren."

It's known as the 'asshat' gene
and it tends to run in families.

So it's not poverty, war, or disease that breaks her heart, no, it's gay people wanting equal treatment under that law. Apparently it breaks her heart like some kind of pre-Cindy Lou Who-Grinch to see other people happy so she's taken up the cause of fighting equality. Goddamn she sucks. You know, my heart breaks for Julia Burt's children and grandchildren too, but for other, more genetic reasons. Let's just hope irrational homophobia is a recessive trait and that future generations will be spared this shitty attitude of hers.

My god, they came out of nowhere!

And what does she mean by 'immediate gratification?' A reoccurring theme among the opponents of both Minnesota's bill and marriage equality in general seems to be 'not now.' Republicans, according to the local CBS affiliate were complaining that Democrats were putting this ahead of more important issues like the state budget. But state budgets are kind of always a thing. Exactly how long are people supposed to wait for equal rights? It's not like gay people appeared one day back in 2009 and started making demands. 

LGBT equality been a decades long struggle for rights and recognition in this country. What is wrong with people that they think 'we'll get around to it eventually' is gonna fly when it comes to civil rights?

"What do we want?"

"Equal rights for gays, lesbians, bisexuals and the transgendered!"

"When do we want it?"

"As soon as Julia Burt, Representative Peggy Scott and the
religious right are comfortable with it and also after the parties
reach an agreement on the state budget...so, uh...basically never!"