Neil deGrasse's high: The Next Generation.

Don't give me that look Neil,
you know I'm right.

Wow. I never thought the day would come, but here I am calling bullshit on Neil deGrasse Tyson. I know he's an astrophysicist and a super-genius and science's ambassador to regular people, but he was clearly drunk or something at this year's Comic-Con Starship Smackdown discussion when he claimed that the original Starship Enterprise is the best spaceship of all time. His argument is based on the ship being introduced back in the 60's when the only thing sci-fi fans had to compare it to was flying saucers and the VW Van. Yes, he has a point, but to ignore the far more evolved Enterprise-D of Star Trek: The Next Generation is at best specious and at worst fallacious. Buckle up, it's going to be a nerdy ride.

Now don't misunderstand me, Kirk's Enterprise is pretty fantastic. It can break the warp barrier, it's got transporters and everyone loves the 60's kitsch, but how could anyone possibly not see that the Enterprise-D from Star Trek The Next Generation is objectively superior to the original ship in every way?

Yup, the math checks out. 

Beats the hell out of 3-D chess, doesn't it?

It's bigger, faster and came equipped with replicators which could convert energy into food, clothing and acoustic guitars. Oh and holodecks. On the D you can spend your off-hours dressed as Sherlock Homes solving holo-crime or fighting Skeletor. There's nothing and no one you can't do on a holodeck. What did the original ship have? Talent night with Spock playing his space lute and Uhura on vocals.

Any landing you can walk
away from, eh Counselor?

Oh you know what else? The Enterprise-D has the capability to separate the saucer from the drive section. It's like having two ships! The idea was you could load the civilians and children (you know, the dead weight) onto the saucer section and then fly the drive section into battle. Sure, they didn't use it all that often, but when they did, you knew shit was gonna get real. Like that time they fought the Borg or when the warp core exploded and they let Troi fly the saucer for some reason.

Look, I know arguing about which Starship Enterprise is best is pretty high on the geek-o-meter, even for me, but I just couldn't let Neil deGrasse Tyson's assertion go unchallenged. Oh, and if you're still not convinced, I would like to draw your attention to this clip of the upgraded Enterprise-D from the TNG finale. Yeah, that's what I thought.

"Holy shit, a cloaking device!? Three warp nacelles!? I think I just wet myself..."

-Every Trekkie in America 

on May 23rd 1994