Let's Celebrate Canada Day!

Hey, did you know that today is Canada Day? No? You didn't? Shame on you, and yes, I'm allowed to dole out shame here because, as I may have mentioned five or six times before, I am one quarter Canadian. To celebrate the enactment of the British North America Act of 1867 here are some Canadian 'Did you knows?'*

Pictured: Another thrilling moment in Canadian History.

Above: Goons.

Did you know that Canadians once burned down the White House? Well, they didn't, they got their goons to do it but still. It happened during the War of 1812, which was the Revolutionary War's lesser known sequel. Sort of like S. Darko. Yeah. There's a Johnny Darko 2, betcha didn't know that. Anyway, during the Revolutionary War II, the Americans were harassing Canadians along Lake Erie and even set fire to the Canadian Capitol. In fairness the British were kidnapping American sailors and pronouncing 'aluminum' wrong, so they kind of had it coming.

In retaliation, the Canadian Governor asked his British masters to please be so kind as to burn the shit out of Washington, which they did, destroying the Capitol, the Library of Congress and gutting the White House. Yeah, remember that next time you watch Kids in the Hall or pour syrup on something.

'The Burning of the White Hoose'
Next time you see a Canadian, punch them in the face.
They'll know what it's about.

Seriously guys? 

Did you know that Canadians have their own money? You see, technically Canada is another country and as such has its own currency. That's cool and all, but the problem is that their coins are almost identical to ours. Anyway, I used to live an hour from the border and it wasn't uncommon to find Canadian change mixed in with your real money, especially when you go to park and every other quarter is rejected by the meter. Like its people, Canada's money can pass itself off as American without much effort. Simple numismatic coincidence or prelude to invasion?

Did you know that there's a Queen of Canada? Furthermore did you know that she's the same Queen as the Queen of England? It's true:

See? It's the same damn Queen, just with a different hat.
She's the monarchical equivalent of a pallet swap.

Above: The Queen of Australia.
Look familiar?

That's right. Elizabeth II is the Queen of 16 countries. Sixteen totally real countries including Jamaica, Fiji, Australia, New Zealand, the Bahamas and the possibly real but I can't swear to it island double punch of Saint Kitts and Nevis. According to Wikipedia, she's also somehow the Admiral of Nebraska. Look, I know the Fourth of July is coming up and we're supposed to be celebrating our independence and all, but holy shit, this woman is the unquestioned ruler of 16 countries. Wouldn't we be better off surrendering now? It's only a matter of time before she assimilates our culture into her collective, we might as well go with some dignity.


*Warning: Don't try to use this information to impress someone you'd like to sleep with. There is no greater sex-repelant than Canadian factoids.