Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Apparently we're all in shock out here on the west coast...Shock.

Ow! My sensibilities!
Shock? Is that the word we use when someone rich/famous/in politics is revealed to have cheated on his or her (mostly his) spouse? MSNBC thought so. You know if it is, I seriously think that we, as the english-speaking world, need to redefine 'shock.' The dictionary gives a few definitions and I feel like they're going for: 'a sudden or violent disturbance of the mind, emotions or sensibilities...' because I'm pretty sure no one got punched in the face with this news. John Edwards' affair shocked me, but that was because he seemed like such a nice guy. He wanted to end poverty and send people to college, but then he decided he'd rather screw around on his wife. His wife who was dying of cancer. So much for a better future.

Anyway, as far as I can tell there're two guys named Arnold Schwarzenegger (what are the odds?). One is the hilariously wooden star of Conan the Barbarian, Running Man and Terminators 1 and 2. I want to like him because I like these movies (also Kindergarten Cop. What? It was funny. Don't judge me).

At some point Skynet decided to wrap one of these in 300 pounds of muscle,
give it an Austrian accent and beam it naked into L.A. in 1984 so it could blend in.

I was hoping that we'd all wear
kimonos in the future.
The other Schwarzeneggar is the guy who exploited the ignorance of red state California (known as Calitucky. There, I've insulted one and a half states) by convincing people that they should throw out Grey Davis and replace him with someone who thought Last Action Hero would be amazing. He also appeared in Terminator 3 and now he's cheated on Maria Shriver. What a dick. It also kind of sucks that of all the future predictions made by the movie Demolition Man, Arnold's political career is the only one that came true.*

Is Rotten Tomatoes legally empowered to track down and sterilize 38% of critics and 43% of the audience?
If not, we might want to look into it.

*if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, watch Demolition Man. It's rad.

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