Monday, September 27, 2010

Welcome to Earf!*

Well, it's about frelling time. Say hello to:
Earth Ambassador
Mazlan Othman.
So first the United Nations announced that they'd appointed an ambassador to aliens, and then they quickly turned around and said: uh, no we didn't. What's with that?

Let's hope it's not followed
by a punch to the thorax.
I myself am inclined to believe that this is absolutely part of Mazlan Othman's job description, no matter how vehemently the U.N. denies it. And it's not just because I'm a nerd. Well, ok, that's a big part of it, but still it seems to me that tacking 'Alien Ambassador' on to this woman's job description is a great idea. Why would we not pick someone in advance? The Galaxy is pretty old and pretty big, there is at least a decent chance that Mazlan or someone very much like her is going to one day get to utter the phrase: "Welcome to Earth."

Say hola to:
Ambassador Kamarog
Out of 6 and a half billion people, it only makes sense to give someone the conch shell, so why is the U.N. being so squirrely about this? Are they afraid that having an Ambassador to Space would undermine their credibility? Really? The U.N.? If anything, the U.N. should be encouraging us to believe in aliens. Look, when the aliens land (and they will), they're not going to give a shit about who's a Canadian and who's a Kenyan. There will be no Klingon Ambassador to Spain.

They're aliens, and when they see that we're a planet full of psychotic apes bent on killing each other over who has the most shinies, it's all over. Gort is going to burn us down faster than you can say Klattu Barada Nikto. We're going to have to pretend to be one big happy family if we want the aliens to take us seriously. And that's where you come in, United Nations. After sixty five years of virtual impotence, you'll finally be taken seriously. Congratulations!

The Right Honorable Gordon Shumway:
Melmacian Ambassador to Earth 

p.s. Holy crap, you can actually order the Federation Flag. Remember: Federation Day is Oct. 11, just 12 more shopping days!

*Yes, I know Will Smith never actually said this, I just like the sound of it.

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