Live from the bunker:

I guess what I'm saying is that maybe he should come out of the bunker when he tells other people that they need to get tough. Don't get me wrong, getting-huh? Who's in a bunker?

Who do you think?

"Um...we know you're in there."

-everyone

Yeah, if you haven't heard, America is in turmoil. It turns out that ignoring centuries of racial injustice isn't super effective in correcting centuries of racial injustice and now mass protests have erupted across the country. And now, as we always do in times of crisis, we once again turn to the White House for leadership. But the President turned off the lights and is hiding in the basement. No, really. They turned off the lights and Trump was taken to the secret White House bunker.

Not a great day for our country? But how
is that possible when he's the president?
Wa-wait, could the hats be wrong?

And today, from this cold war-era, nuclear weapon-proof rapture shelter, the President took the governors to task bloviating:

"You're making a mistake because you're making yourselves look like fools. And some have done a great job. But a lot of you, it's not-it's not a great day for our country."

-President and noted mole person,

Donald J. Trump, from his panic room

Above: a literal hole in the ground.

He went on to goad: 

"You have to dominate, if you don't dominate, you're wasting your time. They're going to run over you. You're going to look like a bunch of jerks. You have to dominate...This kind of violence has happened before, it's happened numerous times. And the only time it's successful is when you're weak and most of you are weak."

-The President, again, speaking

from a literal hole in the ground

Pictured: Donald Trump's resume?

I mean, what is he basing that on? Like, he's never run a state before. What does he think qualifies him to offer advice on how to deal with the civil unrest that he himself is making way worse? Do you suppose it's his years hosting a gameshow about greedy people? Or maybe his experience running a casino-let me finish-into the ground? Because right now it looks like the guy who electoral college won the Oval Office by pandering to racists is goonsplaining governance and leadership to (popular vote-winning) elected officials from inside a bunker. Underground. 

Joe Biden could suggest we equip cops
 with freeze rays and he'd still sound smarter
 and more presidential than Trump.

And sure, I get that there's a safety concern here. But Joe Biden's been out visiting the protest sites, meeting with black leaders and urging cops to shoot people in the leg. Yeah, that's for real too, he's suggesting that police be trained to shoot assailants in the legs to reduce fatalities-which sounds kind of dumb. Cops should shoot fewer people. And look, he wasn't my first choice either, but the point is he's out there, trying to provide leadership, not shaking his fist at people who know their jobs.

So to be clear, cities are on fire because Americans are fed up with rampant and unchecked police violence, and the President's response is to hole-up in his safe room and chew out the state's governors for not sicking more police on the protestors. Cool plan. 

Hey, remember that time armed white guys armed with assault rifles laid siege
to the Michigan Statehouse and nobody tear gassed them? Yeah, that was great.