Let's Hobnob at Hobb Lobb!

Shhh...everybody shut up, Mike Huckabee has something to say! The titular host of Fox News' Huckabee is taking time out from judging us to make a heroic stand against women who would like their birth control thank you very much.

"Look out ladies, you've just been Huckabee'd!"

These people hate gays so much
they're willing to eat at Chick-fil-A.

In a move similar to his Let's Appreciate Chick-fil-A's Appalling Homophobia Day, Huckabee is standing behind craft supplier and moral compass Hobby Lobby which is fighting the Federal government over the part of the healthcare law that requires companies to offer insurance that covers emergency contraceptives. The evangelical Christian-owned company plans to defy the law and in doing so risks, get this, a $1.3 million dollar a day fine. Holy shit. Anyway, Huckabee's calling on supporters to show support by Chick-fil-A-ing Hobby Lobby today.

"Come down to Hobby Lobby
and save 30% on wicker baskets!"

-Matthew 13:11

Just how Christian is Hobby Lobby? Super-christian. Like Ned Flanders Christian. Check out this quote from Founder and CEO David Green:

"The foundation of our business has been, and will continue to be strong values, and honoring The Lord in a manner consistent with Biblical principles."

They're even closed on Sundays and their website has links to Christian sites just in case you needed some Biblical advice on what to do with your pipe cleaners and popsicle sticks.

You're welcome.

So yeah, they're not kidding about being all about the Jesus and maybe they have a point. Should they really be obligated to offer insurance plans that violate their religious convictions? Hey, remember the Iraq and Afghanistan wars? When those started I was opposed to them, so my tax money was set aside and didn't go to pay for them. Instead, my taxes between 2003 and now are only funding PBS, dolphin research and the secret Stargate program. Because that's how taxes work.


Ok, so I'm being kind of a dick here, but for serious, it really is a tough ethical bind and an issue that deserves more than a glib response by some jerk with a blog. After all, if the arts and crafts stores aren't looking out for your soul, who will?

"Ok, I'm out, see you later! If you have any questions, moral quandaries that kind
of thing just ask the people at Hobby Lobby that's what they're there for. Peace!" 

-Jesus, ascending into space or something

Michaels: Sign up for our Tuesday
knitting class or Friday pagan orgy.

On the other hand Hobby Lobby can totally go screw themselves. First of all, what their employees are getting from their doctors is none of David Green's business. Secondly, Hobby Lobby is either a for-profit company, or a church. Pick one. If you're going to be a business you have to offer health insurance and said insurance covers birth control. Tough shit. In fact, Hobby Lobby preaching at their employees seems to be a pretty common complaint among people who work there. Maybe Mr. Green would be happier just packing it in and turning Hobby Lobby into a church with a weekly arts and crafts night.

Man, you feed a few of them to
lions and they just never get over it.

Of course, Mike Huckabee's Hobnob at Hob Lob or whatever the hell he's calling it will probably draw Evangelicals out in droves. Convincing them that they're some kind of oppressed minority taking a stand against the Liberal Agenda is pretty easy. I just have to wonder if Huckabee has thought this all the way through. I mean, if things do swing in Hobby Lobby's favor, what else can companies weasel out of by way of religious objections? I mean, people believe a lot of crazy shit.

Lunch breaks are basically sloth, right? Oh, and don't 401K plans sort of assume that the employees won't get raptured before retirement age? I know the slippery slope argument is itself a slippery slope, but for real, parts of the Bible condone slavery so why pay people at all, right?

"Thanks for shopping at Hobby Lobby, come
back soon...unless the rapture happens."