Monday, August 20, 2012

Todd Akin just removed all doubt

Hey, you know who needs to shut up? People who talk about things they don't know anything about. Yeah, I know this includes you, me and everyone who's ever pontificated on any subject in which they're not an expert, but every once in a while a jackass comes along with a comment so epic in its ignorance as to be worthy of Viking sagas.
Gather around Olaf the story teller as he tells the tale of Todd, son of Paul, who did open
wide his great and mighty maw and then drowned in the river of bullshit that flowed forth.
Really, it's what he's doing.
Take Missouri Republican Representative and Senatorial candidate Todd Akin who made the following gynecological discovery during his long career as a sciencetition:

"...(pregnancy as a result of rape) is really rare. If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try and shut that whole thing down..."
-Todd Akin, Republican and medical genius

Holy shit! This is major! For ages we humans have been attempting to prevent pregnancies with everything from chastity belts to birth control pills that interfere with a biological cycle linked to the goddamn moon and you mean to tell me that women have been able to selectively 'shut that whole thing down' all along? What the hell ladies?
Above: A close up of one of the many vaginal turbo lasers that protect
the female body both from unwanted pregnancies and rebel scum. Source: Science.
Look out pregnant women,
Todd Akin's on to you.
Ok, so obviously Todd just opened his idiot hole, some stupid slipped out and he has since apologized. Ok, fine, happens to the best of us, but let's look a little closer at what he said: 'If it's a legitimate rape'? I'll say up front that I'm no rhetorical expert, but isn't he kind of saying that the body will prevent conception unless the woman being attacked is into it? So most women who become pregnant as a result of rape were actually not raped and are just lying? Jesus, Todd.

Representative Akin then continues to dig his own grave by suggesting that there should probably be 'some punishment' for rape, but that it should fall on the rapist and not the baby. As for the victim, I guess her vagina was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
"I didn't say I hate rape victims, I'm just saying they're probably liars." 
-Todd Akin, cautionary tale

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