Now can we send astronauts to Mars?

See? Definitive proof of life on Mars.
Suck it skeptics.

Check out this picture sent back by NASA's brand spanking new rover, Curiosity (see right). What the hell is that thing, you say? I'm glad you asked. I'm no astronomer, but the photo clearly shows an ancient Martian temple on the horizon. Since the structure was only visible in one shot and disappeared two hours later, I think we can furthermore conclude that the Martian High Command spotted Curiosity and has activated some sort of cloaking device in order to keep their advanced technology out of our hands.

Let's wipe that smug expression
of his, uh, head-ball...thing.

That's right, those sneaky, low gravity, CO2-breathers are alive and well and holding out on us. If there has ever been are more compelling reason to send a manned mission/full invasion force to the Red Planet I haven't heard it. I mean, who knows what other high-tech secrets they might they be hiding? Hover cars? Jet packs? Movies that aren't just remakes of older movies? The possibilities are endless and just waiting for discovery/conquest. Even if we don't find the remains of an ancient Martian civilization, scientists are pretty sure we'll find all kinds of science out there. What's a few trillion dollars compared to that? Look, I know most people need more to go on than a blurry shadow in one photo, but what else could this possibly be?

What's that you say? It's probably a smudge or a glitch or a part of the craft that delivered the robot to Mars? Who's side are you on anyway?

I've run some image analysis of my own, and the results have only deepened the mystery.
Who are these Martians, and why do they keep kidnapping princesses?

More likely than winning the lottery:
The real Spider-Man showing up at
your birthday party. It's simple math.

Look, all I'm saying is that ours is a culture that spends $58 billion on lottery tickets, and the odds of winning (depending on the lottery) are like a gazillion to one (where a gazillion equals 'not bloody likely'). The odds of life on other planets? Well, like I said, I'm no astronomer, but space is pretty damn big and there's got to be what, like two, three hundred stars out there? The point is if we can justify blowing money and resources on the thin hope that we may be able to spectacularly quit our jobs, why can't we see our way clear to dropping a couple trillion on deep space?

C'mon guys, we're not alone. Someday we're going to meet aliens and if we ever want to be able to look them in the beady little eyes (or compound optical nodes or whatever) we're going to have to log some serious space time. For real, it's 2012 and we've never been to Mars? We look like idiots.

"Oh, you've been as far as the Moon...the one over there? I see, well you must be proud.
Now if you'll excuse me I'm late for an appointment on Proxima Centuri, must dash you know.
Really though, it was a pleasure."

-Sub-Commander Thuuurax, barely concealing his disdain