Saturday, October 22, 2011

Oh, frak me, a BSG three-boot?

"Re-boot? Godsdamnit,
they don't have the guts!"

So there's this movie coming out that poses the question: 'What if Shakespeare didn't write Shakespeare's plays?' This is a question that's been around for a while and Shakespeare scholars generally fall into two camps: those who think that Shakespeare wrote his own plays and those who think that someone else wrote them and then created an elaborate conspiracy to deceive the Elizabethan theatrical community and the public at large by making them believe that some actor from the sticks was the author thus bringing him wealth and recognition. Because if there's one thing writers love to do, it's die in obscurity.

"Will you people please stop crediting me with writing the most important
 and beloved works in the English language? I'm trying to go unremembered!" 
Above: the career you can expect
with a B.A. in Theatre Arts.
(not shown: blogging about Star Trek)

But wait, I really don't care about this movie. I mean, I have a degree in Theatre* or something so I'll probably go see it, but what I want to talk about is this story from Dark Horizons. I'll save you some time and just sum it up for you: The guy who wrote the movie (it's called Anonymous by the way), John Orloff, is going to write the screenplay for the Battlestar Galactica movie. His other work includes a couple episodes of Band of Brothers as well as a movie with the needlessly long title: Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole.

I didn't see it, so I probably shouldn't pass judgement. Probably. According to Wikipedia, it's about Owls who fight to free Owl-kind from the tyranny of some other Owls...I think. Presumably the post-colon subtitle: 'The Owls of Ga'Hoole' will distinguish this movie from the flood of Owl sequels and spin-offs that are sure to follow.

Dude, I totally can not wait for
Legend of the Guardians: Chapter II: The Chronicles of the Return of the Owls of Ga'Hoole: A New Beginning

"Yeah, really anything made after
2000 is 
too new for a re-boot."
-Former Spider-Man Toby Maguire
So yeah, except for the part about the talking owls, this all sounds pretty awesome right? But here's 'the rub' (it's Shakespearean or possibly Earl of Oxford-ian for 'here's the thing'), this isn't a movie version of gravelly-voiced Edward James Olmos's BSG, it's a re-re-boot of the 1978 original. What? Yeah. Cast your mind all the way back to 2009 when the new (and now old) Battlestar ended. Is two years really long enough for a re-bootening? I mean Caprica's body isn't even cold yet, and I thought there was another prequel in the works.

It's about time someone updated this old clunker. 2003? Did they even have TV back then?

This is Muffit, a robot-teddy bear
played by a monkey. Good luck Orloff.
I don't know, I guess I don't really have a problem with a new-new Battlestar, but where are they going to go with it? Like, Ronald D. Moore's BSG was cool because it threw out the velour-clad hokeyness of the Lorne Green original and added sex, violence and crazy robot religion. If Orloff goes the dark gritty route, it could look like a rip-off. On the other hand, if he hews too closely to the original series, it's going to remind people of, well, the original series.

What? Am I being a jerk? Have you seen it recently? For real, Netflix it or something and then come talk to me.

No, I'm only kidding, I really do hope it's a shot-for-shot, cape-for-cape remake.

*You can tell I have a degree in Theatre because I spell it with a '-re.' Yup, money well spent.

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