Monday, January 31, 2011

The Future? You're soaking in it!

Welcome to the future, smeghead.
Not satisfied with living eight hours into the future, invisible tanks and time-traveling police boxes, the U.K. has one-uped us again. Today Manchester Airport is introducing holograms (or as they are known in England: Hollogrammes) to help keep the security line moving efficiently. Wait, what? I know, for real, they have holograms and all they can come up with for them to do is to remind people not to bring more than 3 ounces of liquid on the plane (or in British measurements, one sixth of a hogshead on the aeroplanne). Sure, the same job could probably be done with a regular LCD monitor or you know, people, but you've got to give them points for jumping straight for the future-est thing they could think of.

General Cooper, years ago you served
my father in the Clone Wars....
Of course, exactly what they mean by 'holograms' isn't clear and the article doesn't really describe how this works. Are we talking about the holodeck here? Will the security staff at Heathrow International have to be on the look out for a self-aware hologram of Professor Moriarty? Or do they mean 'hologram' the way CNN meant it when they had Anderson Cooper talk to an empty room while Will.I.Am was digitally inserted into the shot? Remember that? The day CNN decided that its viewers were all idiots?

These people, that's who.

Anyway, I guess I shouldn't be too hard on CNN or the British. After all, they just want so badly to be living in the future, that they act like it's already here even if the technology doesn't necessarily live up to nerdy expectations. Of course, they could be on to something. I mean we have iPads, internets, Forever Lazy, and now holograms. Who's to say the future isn't here already?

Maybe all we have to do is start acting like we live in the world of tomorrow. Give it a try! You know the TV in your living room? Start calling it the 'main viewer.' And your cell phone? Yeah, that would be your 'comm-unit.' Sure, you might feel like an idiot at first, but at least you'll be a future idiot.

These guys are all over it.

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