Today in: 'For Real?!'

Dear Boston Strangler:
Knock it off, and this could be yours!

Today in: "For real?" Here's some further proof that the universe is a cold, justice free zone where no act of douchbaggery goes unrewarded: Terry 'Let's Burn the Quran' Jones is getting a free car for not holding his 'Burn-A-Quran' day. According to the article, Brad Benson, a New Jersey Car dealer, does these wacky car ads wherein he offers a free car to whatever jackass is in the news in exchange for knocking off whatever made them infamous in the first place. Sort of like Oprah if she only let history's biggest monsters sit in her studio audience: "Pol Pot, you get a car! Caligula, you get a car!" And if you think I'm being harsh to Pastor Jerkface, let's remember that he was actually trying to incite violence and did, in fact, succeed.

Terry Jones: Terrible Human Being
proud owner of a 2011 Hyundai Accent.
"I look forward to feeling the wind on my
leathery, hate-filled face."

Believe me when I say that my beef isn't with Brad Benson. This was just a stunt that kind of backfired (sort of like how Bart got his elephant). And really, who would have thought Terry 'Not the Guy from Monty Python' Jones would take him up on it? But let us reflect on how deeply this dude deserves a punch in the face and not a free car. You know who does deserve a free car? The people who worked around the clock to free 33 trapped Chilean miners, this guy who rescued his neighbor from a fire while carrying his toddler under his arm and really 99.9% of the people who were ever born in the history of the planet.