I stand by the term "gun-humper."

Pictured: Boebert (right) seen here holding
a Republican strategy meeting on the best
way to cook some hobbits they've captured.

Just to be clear, I know Representatives Massie and Boebert are trolling us with their gross gun tweets. I know they are, and I also know it totally works on me. But I couldn't quite put my finger on why they do this, other than the fact they're just a couple of trolls. So unless their plan is to give us all aneurisms, what's even the point? But a friend of mine--and one far better at not taking the bait than I--pointed out that when we're freaking out about their shitty tweets, we're not having an actual conversation.

Although in our defense, it's incredibly
difficult to get them to stop humping their
guns long enough to have a conversation.

The strategy these gun-humpers like to--huh? Yeah, gun-humpers. I'm suggesting that these people hump their guns and are sexually aroused by the thought that they may one day get to shoot someone. I stand by both the term and the assertion. Anyway, what the gun-humpers are doing is controlling the narrative. We're not having the reasonable conversation we need to be having about gun control, because we're too busy loosing our shit over these idiots posting deliberately outrageous pictures. 

Personally, I'm far more grateful 
for the Third Amendment. 

You know, the thing about the Second Amendment is that it exists. And just between you and me, whether or not the wording is clear, I do think there's room to argue that James Madison was probably saying that maybe citizens should be allowed to own firearms. How's that for hedging? But his was a muzzle-loaded world full of bears and Redcoats and there's a zero percent chance he foresaw automatic weapons, mass shootings, or parents who would give handguns to their kids and send them off to school. Zero.

Shit, they...they can't right? Like,
someone thought to put that in writing? 

And even if he did, he's long dead and I think we're all a little sick of the near daily massacres, so let's maybe do something? Grudgingly, I concede the point that most gun-owners are probably responsible gun owners, and that they have a Constitutionally protected right to own and have sex with their guns. But I mean, do they have a Constitutionally protected right to own a dozen guns? A hundred guns? Can they own tanks? Like, there's a line isn't there? They can't just put an ICBM in their back yard, right?

I don't know, I guess the thing that's been made clear to me is that no matter how bananas people like Massie and Boebert get on Twitter, something still has to happen on this and raging against them and their lunacy isn't doing anything other than give us ulcers. Huh? What has to happen? I don't know, I was hoping you might have some ideas. I mean, there has to be a middle ground between the rights of gun-owners and the idea that mass shootings are just a thing we, as Americans, have to accept. 

"Yeah, but guns. Guuuuuuns!"

-Literally their entire argument