Monday, June 13, 2016

Today in 'I can't even...'

So...what'd you do this weekend? Did you stare helpless and horrorstruck at the vile and meaningless acts of violence people are capable of? Hey, me too! I can't even. I can't even. But what I can talk about is the stupid that inevitably follows horrible every time.
And now here is a picture of
a baby deer nuzzling a kitten.
Pictured: NRA President Wayne LaPierre
and the face hole he's sure to be spouting
ridiculous bullshit from any minute now.
Like, look at this, and spoiler alert, it's not a link to a thing about Wayne LaPierre. You think you know me so, this is a link to the shitty things Donald Trump is saying about how yesterday's massacre happened because of immigration. And yes, I know that Donald Trump was going to be your second guess.

"The killer...was born in Afghan of Afghan parents who immigrated to the United States..."
-Donald Trump on the
killer, Omar Mat-wait, what?

It's a cozy pop of color that makes a great
addition to any room, but it's not a country.
Yeah, a quick search of Wikipedia or really any news website in the last 24 hours will show universal agreement that Mateen was born in New York, specifically Long Island making him exactly as American as Trump who was born in Queens. Also, Afghan is not the name of a country, it's the name of a blanket. And apparently he was reading from a teleprompter for once meaning someone would have had to type these remarks out in advance, so you'd think they'd have had time to look these things up? 

Seriously, it takes like a second.
Like, it's the one supporting 'fact' upon which he based his entire anti-immigrant screed, doesn't he have a staff for this? Or internet access? Anyway, Trump went on to talk about how if he were President none of this would have happened because he would have banned all immigration from Muslim-y countries after the San Bernardino shooting. Countries like Afghan I suppose.

"The bottom line is that the only reason the killer was in America in the first place was because we allowed his family to come here. This is a fact and it's a fact that we need to talk about. We have a dysfunctional immigration system which does not permit us to know who we let into our country and it doesn't permit us to protect our citizens properly."
"That's great. What else would you have done differently
if you were the president Donald? I'm just dying to know."

-The actual President
Although Biff Tannen is essentially
Donald maybe? 
So first of all, the bottom line shouldn't come in paragraph eight of a sixty-one paragraph speech. Secondly, he's making a sort of Back to the Future argument here. Ok, so if his parents never immigrated to the U.S. Sateen wouldn't have been born here. Fine, and if his parents hadn't met, Mateen would have never been born at all and would simply fade out of photos. Problem solved. But unless Tump's got a DeLorean and a Mr. Fusion, I'm not sure why he's bringing this up. Unless... 

"An esoteric but ultimately apt
analogy...qwaaa qwa qwaa!"
Do you suppose he's trying to remind us that like the San Bernardino shooting, there was an Islamic extremist connection to yesterday's attacks? Yeah, both massacres were carried out by people claiming to be acting on behalf of jihadists but that's not the same thing as a link between Islam and violence. Blaming all Muslims for the horrible things Islamist groups would be like blaming all birds for crimes committed by The Penguin. His crimes might be bird-themed, but that doesn't make other birds guilty by association. That's just racist...birdist? Whatever. 

Say, you know what a more relevant connection might be? One of the guns Mateen used, the AR-15 was the same kind used in the San Bernardino attack. And it was also the kind used in the mass-shooting at the movie theatre in Aurora, Colorado back in 2012, the other 2012 mass shooting in Newton Connecticut and the shooting at a community college in Roseburg Oregon last year, none of which were Islamist-related. So maybe we should look into banning those? You know, again?
Without reading the article, I'm going to guess it's because it can be used to kill lots of
people very quickly and because we have a serious problem standing up to the gun lobby.

In continuing horror...
Probably not. But here're some puppies.

Oh and get this, there's an 'active shooter' right now in West Virginia. Police are looking for them, but you know, someone with a gun, running around shooting. Like, can we not go a day?

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