Monday, April 4, 2016

Quick, eveyone act surprised!

"What? It's only unethical if it 
happens on non-islands."
-The Cayman Islands
Well I don't know about you, but I am shocked. Shocked! Over the weekend, the International Consortium of Investigative Reporters released eleven and a half million (yes, million with an 'm,' but still, million) records obtained from Mossack Fonseca, a Panamanian law firm and-huh? Who cares? Well if you'd let me finish the set up you'd see that lots of people care because these papers document the shady offshore shenanigans of the planet's wealthy and powerful. It's a veritable who's who of the ethically compromised.

Wait, corruption? At the highest echelons of power? Can you believe it? Huh? You have no trouble whatsoever believing it? Yeah, me neither.
"You're not gonna believe it chief, money and power leading to corruption! Why, it's
enough to make a guy lift his fedora and scratch his forehead in wonderment. What a scoop!"
If Sigmunder David Gunnlaugson can't be
trusted, then I don't know what to believe in.
Implicated so far are a bunch of current and former heads of state including Iceland's Prime Minister, Sigmundur David Gunnlaugson who, when asked about how corrupt he was stormed out of an interview on Sunday. Because if there's one thing that makes you look innocent, it's angry storming. Another sixty people with close ties to world leaders are also involved including some linked to Vladimir Putin.

Putin's spokesgoon (what? they're goons) said that the Kremlin had been getting 'a series of questions in a rude manner' lately and that reporters were trying to discredit the homophobic Russian strongman. 
"These reporters have been very, very rude to me and to my puppy, Ivan the Adorable."
-Ex-KGB operative and Current President of Russia
"How dare you besmirch our good names
by pointing out our widespread corruption."
-The Rich and Powerful
Wait, for real? Annexing Crimea is rude. Asking legitimate questions about his connections to financial malfeasance and corruption isn't rude, it's being an investigative journalist. Like, are we supposed to believe that Vladimir Putin spent Saturday night sobbing into his vodka because some reporters were mean to him? Between him and Iceland's PM, I guess what bothers me almost more than the asset hiding and tax evasion is the suggestion that questioning them is out of line. It's as though money and power go hand in hand with a sense of entitled untouchability.

Which yeah, I suppose it does. Shockingly, none of the papers implicate anyone in the U.S, which I can only assume is an oversight. That or America's wealthy elite are completely above-board and untainted by the corrupting allure of unchecked power and wealth.
"Pwaaah ha ha ha ha!"
-America's Wealthy Elite

No comments:

Post a Comment