C'mon guys, you can take'em...

"You shall have my sword."

"And you shall have my axe."

Goddamn right Sanders over Trump or Cruz. What the hell am I talking about? Hillary Clinton in a sort of 'let's all get along' moment said on Thursday that she'll "...take Bernie Sanders over Donald Trump and Ted Cruz anytime." which, big deal, of course she will and Bernie Sanders should say the same thing. In fact, if their next debate opens with anything other than the two Democratic candidates pledging each other their undying loyalty regardless of who gets the nomination, we'll all be in trouble.

Yes, I get that these are two very different candidates, with very different followings but I swear to god if we lose this one because supporters of whichever one doesn't get the nomination stay home and sulk, we should we just give up on democracy entirely and bring back the monarchy.

"Well, well, well. Come crawling back have we?"

-Queen Elizabeth II, being too

classy to say we told you so

"It's cool, I'm just checking. You can
prove you were born with that, right?"

I mean holy shit, we're functionally down to one political party. The Republican party as a whole is off the rails. They come up with voter ID requirements to combat virtually nonexistent voter-fraud which are actually and openly designed to keep Democrats from voting. They pass laws under the pretense of protecting religious liberty, but are really about keeping transgender people from using the correct bathroom because they're afraid that straight men will pretend to be transgender so they can watch women pee.

They're misogynistic, anti-Muslim, anti-choice, anti-immigration, anti-gay, anti-poor, anti-science, am I missing anything?

"We're not anti-science, we just believe that dinosaurs led
sinful lives and were therefore not allowed on Noah's ark."

-Ken Ham, scien...scieeentii....

sorry, I can't even type it. 

Remember this bullshit when you
go to the polls in November. 

Oh, and then this today. Don't feel like clicking? Fine, I'll sum up. Republicans in the Senate killed a bill today that would have required airlines to stop reducing the size of seats on their planes. Yeah, it turns out that you're not getting fatter and/or taller. Instead, airlines have been making the seats smaller and then charging extra to arrive at your destination with circulation in your legs. Because they're assholes, that's why. The bill to reign this practice in today was defeated along party lines with one, count'em one Republican senator not voting against it. Basically, they're the worst.

Above: The Party of Lincoln,
I suppose. Like, technically.

Look, I'm not saying this because I'm totally going to vote for whichever Democrat gets the nomination-which I am-but I'm saying this because I shouldn't have to. I like both the candidates but in my entire adult, voting life there's never been even a question as to which party to vote for and I guess what I'm saying is that I wish the GOP would just get their shit together. I mean, I like to think that most of them are rational, good people and that the party's just been hijacked by the looney fringe.

Remember that scene in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire when the Death Eaters show up at the Quidditch World Cup? Of course you do, because you're a big huge nerd. Anyway, like eight Death Eaters show up and terrorize like 80,000 wizards, each of whom has a wand and unbelievable, god-like magical powers and yet not one of them has the wherewithal to calculate the odds and shout 'Hey everybody, let's get'em!' That's the GOP right now.

Pictured: The predicament the Republican Party finds itself in.

(source: metaphor)