Let's stop feeding the squirrels!

Yikes, did you see this? There was a Schmonald Schtrump rally-huh? Yeah, remember? I have a paranoid theory that whenever we say his name he gets a dollar. It's irrational, so just humor me, is that so much to ask? Anyway, he held a rally in Costa Mesa California yesterday and things got smashy:

Pictured: Angry mob.

A choice to be orange and
goon-like. Also sleazy.

Hundreds turned out to throw rocks, jump up and down on police cars and make up chants about how racist that sleazy, leathery orange goon is. The whole thing was-huh? Yeah, I realized I just called him a sleazy leathery orange goon, but that's not a race, that's a choice. Fortunately there were no injuries and almost everyone (except the 17 that got arrested) went home in time to catch the Late Show with Stephen Colbert. And then today he was speaking in Berlingame and again, protest, angry chants...

The protestors even blocked the entrance to the hotel where he was speaking forcing him and his staff to walk up an embankment.

An embankment! Like a common...uh, wait, what
scuttles up embankments? Goats? Like a common goat!

So like, the protesting is cool and completely understandable. I mean, Donald Tru-Shmonald Schtrump is objectively awful and running for president entirely on a campaign of racism, misogyny, anti-immigration and terrifying jingoism. Here, check this out:

Finally, a retired, elderly college basketball
coach is weighing in. This contest is over.

"I'll tell you who they said wasn't presidential...Harry Truman. And Harry Truman, with what he did in dropping and having the guts to drop the bomb in 1944, saved billions of American lives."

-former basketball coach and adult 

who calls himself Bobby, Bobby Knight

Um, leaving aside the fact that Harry Truman dropped the bomb in 1945 and that the population of the United States was no where near a billion much less billions with an 's,' what the shit?

I think we all think President Schtrump would drop the bomb. Like, all the time. On anyone. That's why we're all terrified that he might one day be handcuffed to the nuclear football.

Above: The Football is a briefcase full of nuclear codes lugged around by a
military aide just in case the President needs to vaporize someone. No really, it's a real
thing and the former host of The Apprentice might soon be in charge of it. Fuuuuuck.

"Perimeter Breach! The stanchion is
down! Fall back! Repeat, fall
back to the concierge's desk!"

But whatever, smashing up cop cars and throwing rocks because you don't like the guy isn't cool either and it's not going to change anything. He's not suddenly going to call off his preposterous bid to run America into the ground because a bunch of 20-somethings knocked over a police stanchion at the Hyatt. If anything, I think he feeds on the attention. This is not someone who understands the difference between good attention and bad attention. This is someone who just likes that people talk about him.

I think there's probably an Oscar Wilde quote that applies here. The one about how the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about? I don't know, it seems weird to apply it to Schtrump. He doesn't seem like much of a reader. Clive Cussler or Tom Clancy maybe. I don't know, something about submarines, but I'm getting off topic.

He's like Danielle Steel but for old white guys.

C'mon, he used to be on Fox news
and worked for Lehman Brothers.
Let's smash some windows about that!

The point is that if Schtrump wasn't so ridiculous and hate-filled we wouldn't talk about him and he'd probably go away. All the outrage and brick-throwing is like feeding the squirrels; it just makes him come back for more. We're all guilty. I used to talk about nerd stuff and complain about NASA not inventing a warp drive quickly enough and here I am, going on about Schtrump. And what's with the other ones, Ted Cruz and whatsisname? John Kasich? Let's start getting outraged at them. They're terrible too, but we're all so focused on the L.O.G. (leathery orange goon, keep up) he gets all the airtime.