Thursday, September 10, 2015

Today in thinly veiled commercials...

Yup, it's that time of the year when the already tenuous membrane separating the news media from corporate shills ruptures and the internet erupts with free ads for Apple.
Hey look everyone, new Apple products! Also, a plane caught fire in Las Vegas
and millions of refugees continue to flee Syria, but the iPhone 6s comes in a new color!
What is that, a 4? I hope you enjoy
your lonely, sexless existence...
Yesterday saw the announcement of the new and slightly improved iPhones that we'll all be buying in the coming months. It's not that we really need new ones and it's not like the iPhone 6s is substantively better than the s-less iPhone 6, it's that nobody wants to be so unfashionable as be caught with an out-of-date iPhone or, God forbid, a Galaxy. Also, there's a new slightly larger iPad, I don't know. Just shut up and give Apple your money. Don't you want people to think you're cool?

"Our customers expect a certain
amount of finger-bleeding."

Look, I'll admit, I've got an iPhone (a 5, don't tell anyone) and like an idiot I'll probably buy another one. I say 'like an idiot,' because these things aren't necessarily the best. They're small, glass and frictionless for one thing and I live in constant fear of breaking it. Other manufacturers make perfectly good alternatives that are less fragile and expensive, but no, I've drunk the Apple Kool-Aid and I'll probably be handing Apple another $300 for what is, at best, an incremental improvement.

I suppose my real problem is-huh? Drunk the Kool-Aid? Oh, it means that someone's going along with something even though it's not necessarily in their best interests. I think it comes from Jonestown and-holy shit, I just realized how awful that is. I mean, how is that ok?
Seriously, what is wrong with us?
"And when we come back, we'll be asking
refugees what they think of the new iPad Pro."
Anyway, my unhealthy relationship with a tech manufacturer that I kind of hate aside, what I really want to know is why does the news treat Apple's announcements like an event and not say, a commercial? Like, I'd get it if it was just the sites that cover tech news, but this was at the top of a lot of regular new sites yesterday. I'm not kidding, this topped Syria, the Iran nuclear deal and Kim "Eye of the Tiger" Davis. I get that they're a big, popular company, but shouldn't journalists be a little less, I don't know, Kool-Aid-y? Oh. Goddamnit, there it is again. We really need to stop saying that.

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