It's like 52 9/11's!

Above: the local government
equivalent of pouty face.

No really, this happened. On Monday, the three-member Dent County Commission in Dent County Missouri (or Missoura, as it's more properly known), voted unanimously to fly the flag at half-staff; a traditional sign of mourning. 'Did somebody die?' you may reasonably ask. Nope, Dent County is in mourning for the Supreme Court's decision on marriage equality. A further and equally reasonable question might be 'Are you for goddamn kidding me?" Unfortunately the answer is no. No I am not.

It's a safe bet that there's some overlap
between flag law enthusiasts and philatelists. 

Because this is America and we have a ridiculous number of rules and traditions about our flag, there are there are actually laws outlining when and for how long the flag is lowered. A dead President gets a month, the Vice President gets ten days, a member of Congress gets one. It's a whole thing. There's even a website that tracks this because of course there are people out there for whom this is a hobby. Guess how long flags in Dent County are going to fly at half-staff. No, go on. Guess.

Pictured: Commissioner Darrell
Skiles and a tie that says more
about him than words ever could.

A week? A month? If you said a year, you win. The three Republican members of the Dent County-huh? Oh, didn't I mention that they were all Republicans? Anyway, they voted for a year of mourning because of:

"...the U.S. high court's stamp of approval of what God speaks of as an abomination."

-Darrell Skiles, Presiding Commissioner,

and embodiment of everything wrong with the GOP

Yeah, and he didn't just like say that quietly to his like-minded fellow commissioners, he read it into the public record so that future generations can read about what an asshole he is. It's like his legacy or something.

I mean, a year of mourning? Seriously? If I remember correctly, 9/11 only got like a week. So if you're doing the math on this one, in Dent County, Missouri, marriage equality is something like 52 times worse than 9/11 (source: math).

Never Forget...

What do you want Darrell, a cookie?
'Cause you can't have one.

The sort of good news is that Skiles and the other commissioners announced this morning that they'll be rescinding the order 'out of respect for veterans and those currently serving in the military.' Which, wha? I guess they mean that lowering the flag for such a dickish reason as not liking gay people might be seen as cheapening the tradition, but whatever the reason I suppose it's good they sort of came to their senses...eventually. Of course it probably would have been better for everyone if they never issued it in the first place.

I mean, the damage is kind of done and Dent County is now a nation-wide reminder of why we think of the vast, undifferentiated flyover States between our two coasts as one ignorant, Bible-thumping expanse called 'murica.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We are currently flying over Missouri
and if you look out the left side of the cabin you'll see some locals standing on their roofs
and shaking their fists at us for violating God's laws of gravity in our giant metal bird."