Monday, July 6, 2015

Don't mention the war!

You know what's awesome? America's victory in the Women's World Cup. We, as in Americans, are good at a lot of sports, but soccer isn't usually one of them so yesterday's 5-2 win over Japan is a big deal. You know what's not so awesome? A bunch of U.S. fans who thought it would be hilarious to bring up Pearl Harbor on the twitter books.
Above: Are you for goddamn kidding me?
To the victor goes whatever the hell
this thing is. How is that a cup anyway?
Yeah, that Pearl Harbor. Most of the funny, funny jokes were about how Japan must be regretting the surprise attack on the U.S. Navy that brought us into the war which, holy shit, isn't this supposed to be a game? I mean, I'm not a sports guy, but I'd always thought of sports as sort of a pressure valve. Like, whatever part of our primitive ape brains feels the need to tribe-up and murder our fellow primates is somehow satisfied by non-lethal sporting events. Instead of plunder, slaves and territory, the winner gets bragging rights and a shiny trophy or that Superball ring. 

Sure, people can get a little crazed and sometimes things get out of hand, but sports are a better outlet for our aggressive tendencies than say the Crusades, or the Hundred Year's War. We have few wars then we did a thousand years ago and way more ESPN's, so on the whole, I'd say they're a good thing. 
Sports can do weird things to us. Look what a single
hockey victory did to this Canadian. Yeah, a Canadian.
It's funny because Hitler. 
So Pearl Harbor? Seriously? World War II sucked for everybody. Well, almost everybody. I suspect that the worst Biblical Yung C Boy (that guy what did the twitter) had to endure was having his internet go down right in the middle of Call of Duty, but the actual war is still in living memory for some people. It was a horror show from beginning to end, and I'm not sure it will ever not be too soon. Well, ok, that's not entirely true. Done correctly, jokes about the war can be hilarious, but none of the people chiming in here are John Cleese, like at all.

Look, I know Pearl Harbor was a dick move, but it was a dick move on the part of the Empire of Japan's runaway military, and not their 2015 women's soccer team, so lay off. Also, and I hesitate to even bring this up, but it's not like we didn't pull some seriously horrible shit before, during and after the war, so maybe we should all shut up and enjoy the fact that America just won at soccer?
Pictured: Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's, which even for
the 60's was pretty fucking racist. Wait, what did you think I meant? 

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