Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Stop...Judah Hammer Time.

but what do I know?
Hey, did you see that Mel Gibson is making a movie about Judah Maccabee? I know, right? Who? Yeah, I had no idea but, in a scholarly examination of this wikipedia page, I discovered that he (Maccabee, not Mel Gibson) was an ancient Jewish hero who led a revolt against the Seleucid Empire and later went on to invent Hanukkah (the Jewish festival of lights made famous by Adam Sandler). Oh, and also his name means 'Hammer' in ancient Hebrew. Judah Hammer. Rad, huh? Although I guess it does sound a little like a porn name. Anyway, I know what you're thinking: just what the hell is a Seleucid Empire? Who cares? (But if you must know, here) It was an empire and Judah 'the Hammer' Maccabee took it on in the 160's BC which means he did it with like knives and slingshots. Bad ass.


In Star Wars terms, Judah Maccabee falls somewhere between
Mon Mothma and Admiral Akbar.

Ah the good 'ole days, right Mel?
So a member of a persecuted underclass stands up to a powerful, imperialistic foe with greater numbers and military superiority? Sounds pretty Gibsonian. But doesn't Mel kinda hate people who believe differently from or who are not, him? What's the deal? Did he get over his anti-Semitism? Or is he just Semitic-neutral now? Doubt it. He's a member of this super orthodox Catholic sect that thinks the Vatican II reforms were too liberal and that everyone else (including his own wife) is going to hell.


Could it be that he's just trying to restore his public image after so many public homophobic, sexist, anti-Semitic, racist ravings? Am I being cynical? Like, more so than usual? Maybe, but what else could explain his recent mega-flop The Beaver? And before you get all excited it's just a movie where he plays a depressed guy with a beaver puppet. I think it was supposed to endear him to us again, but I think it just pissed people off with its misleading title.

"Remember back when Mel did Lethal Weapon? And Thunderdome?
Those were fun right? Anyone up for Payback 2? He's available!"
-Beavey McBeaverton
Mel Gibson's Stuffed Beaver and Agent

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