Onward: Censored Fiction

In a move surprising to literally no one in the world, the repressive anti-democratic, misogynistic, homophobic theocracies of Qatar, Oman, Saudi Arabia and Kuwait (remember that time we saved your ass Kuwait?) have refused to allow Disney/Pixar's new movie to run in their countries because of a gay cyclops.

Huh? No. If only right? Different cyclops I'm afraid.

Sort of a non-garbage fire
version of Netflix's Bright.

You heard me, a gay cyclops. I should probably explain that this movie, Onward, is a mash up of fantasy tropes and road-trip movies in which two elf brothers drive around in their van trying to save their father who is pants. Look, I don't know, I'm just going on the trailer here. The important thing is that there's a scene where a cop-who's a cyclops and voiced by Lena Waithe-says: "It's not easy being a parent...my girlfriend's daughter has got me pulling my hair out."

See? Gay cyclops. Oh the scandal. Anyway, these countries-who incidentally are U.S. allies because oil, took issue with this characters' single line reference to raising a child with her female partner and banned the film outright thus saving millions of children who would have otherwise caught the gay from the film.

Move over COVID-19..

Jingoistic? Maybe, but in my defense look
at who our President is because of them.

Meanwhile Russia, not content with selecting our President for us, is now giving our filmmakers notes. Onward is screening in Russia, but the government has insisted on changing Waithe's line to make it less gay. The cyclops now refers to her "partner" instead of "girlfriend." You see, that way the insecure mob goons who run the rusted-out hull of the former super power can feel less threatened by a cartoon. Ok, Russia is super-homophobic, that's not exactly news. So what am I on about?

I'll layoff the stereotypes when Russia
improves its LGBTQ rights record.
Yeah, I know, so probably never. 

I'm on about Pixar or Disney or whatever, that's what...or whom. Look, we can all agree that Russia sucks and is a grim oligarchic vision of our own Trumpy future, but Disney gave in to them, right? Like, someone from the Russian Ministry of Dick Moves, whom I can only assume is both drunk and wears a gold cross on a chain that nestles in the thick chest hair visible through the open-V neck of his Adidas tracksuit and-huh? What? This country once banned a brand of milk because the carton had a rainbow on it. I'm not the asshole here.

Above: OMM's entire staff, Monica
Cole. So I guess I should say asshat.

Look, obviously homophobia is a global issue and not limited to a few religious oligarchies and the country that gave us Yakov Smirnoff. The ironically named One Million Moms has already accused Disney of "...indoctrinating children with the LGBTQ agenda..." But while America is full of asshats like the OMM people (or person, see right) whose entire livelihood is based around making other people's lives more difficult, they don't have the force of law behind them. The Russian government on the other hand is openly hostile towards LGBTQ people. 

So when Disney agrees to change a line, even one line, because it might offend homophobes or run afoul of a country's anti-LGBTQ laws it feels like they're legitimizing it. I know they love money, I mean, love it, but this acquiescence makes including a queer character, and in fact the company's stated support of LGBTQ rights, ring hollow. 

Pictured: The cyclops in question seen here on
the right, indoctrinating children with her gayness.

(source: one mom)