Happy uh...whatever...

Anyone else not feeling super patriotic this Fourth? You know, what with our country's rapid and almost eager descent into autocracy? Because I'm not.

Pictured: A TV celebrity humping the flag so many have fought and died for.

What? Yes they are.
By definition they are.

Now that concentration camps are a thing again, Nazi's are back, the South is careening towards Gilead, I'm just not sure I can muster up the 'ol 4th of July spirit. Oh, and today is Donald Trump's preposterous 'Salute to America' where he's about to waste millions of dollars violating the Hatch Act in some misguided and insane attempt to feel adequate. Maybe heavy drinking will help? Or...not. I guess then I'd just have a hangover and Trump will still be the President.

"Looks like ol'dubya's off the hook."

-Former worst President,

George W. Bush

And yeah, I know it's ok to love America and still think the President is the biggest, dumbest shitheel to ever eke out an electoral college win, but I'm not sure Donald Trump is the only thing wrong with us right now. He's the biggest, golf-playingest, sexual assault-iest symbol of our many problems, but he's just that. A symbol. Or I guess symptom is the better word. A symptom of the virulent, drug-resistant divisiveness we picked up from either Fox News, Russian internet trolls or both. We're still waiting for the lab results.

Look, Republicans are by and large old and
love Chic-fil-A. I think we can take'em.

Of course, there's plenty of blame to go around. It's not just the GOP's fault. I mean, it's mostly the GOP's fault, but we're the ones who didn't take to the streets with pitchforks and torches when Mitch McConnell stole Obama's last Supreme Court pick, or when our archaic electoral system designed to make rural states feel appreciated put a buffoon in office with three million fewer votes than a qualified candidate. And we're still a year or so away from being able to do anything about it.

And even then the aforementioned conservative-packed Supreme Court just handed gerrymandering fans carte blanch to draw district lines any way they please so even if we again vote for someone else, the outsized voting power of the MAGA-hat wearing goon demographic might just condemn us to another four years of America's worst reality show. So I don't know, happy Fourth of July. I guess.

"What are you talking about? Your vote counts, I'm just
making sure it doesn't matter. There's a difference."

-Speaker Mitch McConnell, a guy

who can somehow sleep at night