Well this just blue shelled my day:

You know what I'm more than a little sick of hearing about? The President's sex life. I'm not like trying to sex shame anyone, but the amount of detail I'm prepared to hear about the former host of The Apprentice's junk is exactly none. Just none.

You know for the party that lays claim to being the wholesome
defenders of America's morality we sure do hear a lot about the
president's affairs, prostitutes and fondness for water sports.

I'm not saying I understand the publishing
world but, I mean, he's the President now so...

Oh, and brace yourself, this is going to get a little NSFW. Really NSFanyone and anywhere. In fact, maybe skip this one entirely. Still there? Huh. Anyway, you're probably wondering why I felt the need quantify how much information about the President's sex life I find acceptable. It's because it came out that Stormy Daniels, you know the woman the President paid not to talk about how they had sex, described the President's genitals in her upcoming book. Her upcoming book that probably should have come out two years ago...

This is bad enough, but the kick in the teeth, the blue shell if you will (and you might) is that she likened it...and here I'm referring to the First Penis, to Toad. You know, Toad, from the Super Mario games?

For those of you with lives, a blue shell is an item in the Mario Kart
games that someone who's loosing can use. It seeks out whomever's in
first, explodes and just ruins their day. So yeah, that's what your in for.

Here, you can read The Guardian article. They include all kinds of things you can't unread:

"I'm-a gonna be sick!"

-Super Mario

"He knows he has an unusual penis. It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool...I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart...It may have been the least impressive sex I'd ever had, but clearly, he didn't share that opinion."

-Stormy Daniels, ruining Yetis,
mushrooms Mario Bros. and sex
in general for everyone forever

For those unfamiliar, Toad, in Mario lore, is Princess Peach's loyal retainer. He's a plucky, upbeat character with a comic, warbley voice and childlike outlook and he deserves better than this. And look, I don't want to tell Stormy Daniels how to describe her experiences with the least likable person on the internet who also happens to somehow be the President, but could she have possibly reached for an analogy that didn't involve ruining my childhood? Like say, just a mushroom? We all know what a mushroom looks like...

Above: Toad, in happier times. You know, before he
became synonymous with an obnoxious elderly man's gear.