Today in things that aren't Smash Bros:

Although I kind of feel like
fans are desperate enough to drop
sixty dollars on the logo at this point.

In the interest of not constantly writing about how surprised I'm not about what a goat rodeo the world is right now, I'd like to talk about this. Didn't click? That's ok, it might not help. So the other day Nintendo announced that they were going to release an announcement trailer for a new thing. Huh? No, it's not Mother 3, but earlier today we finally got-What? No, still no Virtual Console on Switch. Anyway, like I-what? No, it's not Gameboy Classic, it's not Mario RPG 2 and Metroid Prime 4 is still just a logo.

Oh, and before we go any further, I should probably mention that this is going to get nerdy, so like if you want to bail, now is the time. Like I was saying, we live in a world where announcing your upcoming announcement is a thing business do. In fact, we should probably be grateful there wasn't a trailer for the announcement of the announcement trailer.

"Today I'm pleased to announce the announcement of
an announcement trailer for our new announcement.
Is it a new Smash Bros? Who knows? It's not though."

-Reggie Fils-Aime, just 

trolling us at this point

This is sure to increase
your child's social standing.

Anyway, the new thing is a bunch of cardboard kits you put together and then slide your Switch into. Yeah, now do you want to click on the link? So you buy these flat-packs and follow onscreen instructions to build cardboard control devices to play mini-games. There's a piano, a fishing rod, a motorcycle and robot suit. Yes, a goddamn robot suit. They're all super-intricate and I'm sure won't be eye-gougingly frustrating to assemble. Next you pop in the Joy Con (that's what we're supposed to call the controllers). They have infrared sensors that detect the cardboard moving around and translate that into onscreen action.

"It's incredibly complicated!"

-Nintendo's early, perhaps

ill-advised advertising slogan

Ok, it actually sounds kind of clever, but also batshit insane. Clever because kids have to use problem solving skills and imagination to put them together-or just get their parents to do it for them. Batshit insane because it kind of reminds me of that time they convinced Americans to buy NES's by including that robot thing. Remember that? Of course you don't, I'm old. Anyway, R.O.B. was this ridiculous robot toy that came with the early NES console and could play games with you. Or rather it could if you didn't loose any of the parts and liked games that weren't fun.

"What the shit is that supposed to be?"

-Parents, this April

So back to this thing. It's called Labo by the way. It's a name I'm sure sounded cute to someone in marketing. You know like, lab, right? Like an inventor's laboratory? It is after all, edutaining. Except it also sounds a little bit like labor. As in labor intensive, which I think might be a grim preview of what parents are in for if this thing takes off. Of course, that presupposes that kids are able to persuade them into shelling out eighty bucks or whatever for cardboard. Sure it comes with a game, but still...cardboard.

Anyway, as a video game fan I'm a little bummed that the big announcement was cardboard and not, you know, a new video game, but I do appreciate that Nintendo is being weird again.

Hey, neat, a cardboard piano...you know what else
would be nice? Smash Bros. Just putting that out there...