Net responsibility quotient: 0.01%

 It seems vapid morning
 chatter knows no borders.

Ugh...I mean, ugghhh. Here, watch this gross excerpt from Piers Morgan's upcoming interview with Donald Trump on Good Morning Britain. After an awkward greeting in which the President attempts to simulate warmth, Morgan asks the President if he regrets re-tweeting those anti-Muslim videos back in-huh? Oh yeah, remember back in November when the President shared anti-Muslim propaganda from Britain-First, an ultra-right wing British hate group?

"Whaaaat? Maybe you guys
are the racists. Shut up! Racists."

-Sarah Sanders, spin-wizard

You don't? Yeah, there's so much of this kind of shit coming from the White House, it's hard to keep it all straight. Anyway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders in what I think must have been an Oscar-worthy performance tried to spin it:

"I think his goal is to promote strong borders and strong national security..."

-the actual White House 

Press Secretary, no, really,

without a hint of irony

Wait, is he suggesting that the President
has the capacity for hindsight?

It was a treat. So back to the Piers Morgan thing. In a remarkable turn of passive voice, he confronted Trump on the offense caused by the tweets:

"I do just want to get one thing out of the way: given the amount of offense it caused, do you regret now those retweets. and do wish, with hindsight, that you hadn't done it."

-Morgan, asking the President about

 those Tweets that just happened

In a bold move the President has
come out against terrorism.

The President's response was characteristically not related to the question. Like, in any way.

"Well, you know, look, It was done because I am a big believer in fighting radical Islamic terror. This was a depiction of radical Islamic terror."

-The President explaining 

that he re-tweeted racist 

videos because terrorism

A big, dumb golden retriever with a
bone. A bone of non-responsibility.
Look, it's not my best analogy.

Which, no it wasn't. Morgan interrupts to point out that the videos, which purport to show terrorists doing terroristy things, were quite likely faked, but goddamn like a dog with a big, unverified bone the President pressed on:

"...but I didn't do it, I went out and I didn't go out and-I did a retweet. It was a big story where you are, but it wasn't a big story where I am."

-Trump, on how responsible

he's not for his own actions

Ok, so his rational is he didn't make the super-racist, anti-muslim propaganda, he just retweeted it in his capacity as America's representative to the world? Super. But it doesn't matter because it wasn't a big deal in America, just in Britain. And I mean, how many people even live in Britain, like, twenty? 

Above: British people, or in their native language: Bri'ish pee-pohl. 

Ok, fine, he's not wrong...but still, what
does this have to do with racist tweets?

So Trump went on to say how much he loves Britain and especially Scotland, calling them "very special people" and Scotland "a very special place," so Morgan pressed him for an apology for the retweet and here's what he got:

"If you're telling me they're horrible, racist people, I would certainly apologize if you would like me to do that."

-The President, not fucking apologizing

Holy shit. I mean, holy shit, right? If, I would, if...That's just a masterpiece of responsibility-free, passive voice non-apologizing. Look, you'd think he'd at least do Britain the courtesy of offering a transparent lie. This fake apology thing is just insulting.

"...multiply by 'if' carry the conditional clause-my god, the net
responsibility quotient is zero! In all my years of parsing bullshit
apologies, I've never seen anything like this...it's...perfect."

-Noted bullshitologist,

Sherlock B. Noshittington