Turns out it's not ok to lick strangers.

So good news for fans of famous people finally seeing consequences for terrible things they've done: Andy Dick has been fired over allegations of sexual misconduct. In fact, fired twice. From two separate films. Of course the news that two different directors cast Andy Dick in their movies has left the nation in a state of shock.

Yup, I'm taking shots at Andy Dick.
Turns out I'm not better than that.

Um...so where was Jimmy
Kimmel's security this time?

Andy Dick is sort of famous for being a walking sexual misconduct charge and has spent much of the 2000's in and out of treatment for addiction and getting fired from gigs for exposing himself. He was once even forcibly ejected from Jimmy Kimmel's show for groping Ivanka Trump. The first movie to fire him this month was a low-budget horror comedy called Vampire Dad (I wonder what it's about...) and Dick had to be escorted off the set on the first day of shooting for sexually assaulting several members of the crew. Yikes.

And then yesterday he was fired for almost exactly the same reason from an indie film called Rasing Buchanan which on the one hand, begs the question why they hired him in the first place knowing his history. but on the other hand begs the question why the fuck can't Andy Dick just be a person and not touch people who don't want to be touched? 

Incidentally, that one's about a woman who steals James Buchanan's
body for ransom, but nobody wants it. So they've got my $10 right there.

Careers are just collapsing like...um...
elaborately stacked yet unstable structures
like...Jenga! Collapsing like Jenga towers.

As to the first, Katheryn Moseley, a producer on Vampire Dad, kind of figured he'd be professional enough to show up sober and not act like a creeper on the set. She was wrong. I mean, it wasn't an unreasonable ask, it was just...well again, he was forcibly ejected from Jimmy Kimmel's talkshow. As to why he was fired and not, you know, endured which seemed to be the standard practice until like a month ago, I think it's got everything to do with the whole Harvey Weinstein and now Kevin Spacey thing. I mean it's great that America has finally developed a sudden interest in repercussions for sexual misconduct. Overdue. But great.

Like maybe he legitimately confuses
the phrase with something else, like
oil painting or whatever and just can't
understand why everyone's upset?

Dick sort of leapt to his own, bewildering defense but I'm not sure he did himself any favors.

"I didn't grope anybody. I might have kissed somebody on the cheek to say goodbye and then licked them. That's my thing. I licked Carrie Fisher at a roast. It's me being funny. I'm not trying to sexually harass people. I didn't grab anybody's genitals."

-Andy Dick's confusing reaction to the 

allegations of-wait, he knows what 

'sexual harassment' means right?

I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure 'That's my thing.' has ever been a successful defense for anyone, anywhere, on trial for anything.

"Yes my client stabbed the victim thirty-seven times before setting the house
on fire to destroy the evidence, but that's just his thing. His murder thing." 

-Some lawyer